Encouragement must be based on Truth

I heard this statement a few days ago, and I think it is significant on a number of levels.  Truth is an important concept from any perspective.  All the more so when applied to encouragement.  The statement was made in the context of a discussion about the difference between flattery and encouragement.  The both could be true, but flattery implies the motivation of looking for something in return, while encouragement is for the benefit of the recipient.  Flattery doesn't have to be true to be effective (at least not for its intended purpose), but I think encouragement does.

I have never been a fan of white lies, or anything remotely close to that.  My future wife will have to learn not to ask me questions that she doesn't want to hear the answer to.  But on the other hand, when I do have something positive to say, it will always be genuine and meaningful.

I see people using fake encouragement all the time when I am working on a ropes course.  Statements like "you are almost there," are thrown around, when "that's a good step, now let's try letting go of the tree," might be more accurate.  If one of the objectives is to build trust, then lying the whole time is probably not a good approach.  Whom do we think we are kidding?  In that particular context, I don't usually lack assertive encouragement, but I always do so in an accurate and truthful way, with a running dialog of things like "that's good, keep moving forward, one step at a time, keep breathing, you are getting there, etc."

In other contexts I am not as good at encouraging people.  I have an especially difficult time saying encouraging things to people in regards to their appearance.  This is not because I think they look bad, but for at least three other discrete reasons.  For one, I am someone who values function over form, so I am not very focused on appearance to begin with, so there are many things in that regard that I just don't actually notice.  Then I feel like any statement I actually make is an implicit comparison, reflecting negatively on their previous state.  Lastly, in regards to complimenting females, I don't like to appear to be flattering someone, even if I know I am being genuine.

I have come to understand that many people, especially females, actually notice the lack of feedback in that regard.  So in many cases, there is no such thing as a neutral response.  "Anything you don't say, can and will be held against you."  Obviously I am being a bit dramatic, but the point remains.  And I am working on trying to be more responsive and encouraging in that regard, but it is not something I am real comfortable with, even when it is true.