Forgiveness and Moving Forward in Light of the Past

Last winter I reconnected with someone I had worked with seven years before.  I had previously been in a position of informal leadership over them, before life took us separate ways.  He resurfaced in way that clearly seemed to be God's timing, during a series of other events that I interpreted as His leading me a certain direction, and we began working together, very informally, from across the country.

A few months later, I suddenly stopped hearing from him entirely.  I later learned that was because he had gotten himself into some pretty serious trouble.  From the info I have been able to find, he clearly made a few bad decisions and showed poor judgement, but it seems likely his actions may not have warranted the string of consequences he was potentially facing.  All of the charges against him were dropped a few weeks later, so there will probably be no more legal ramifications, but the publicity has wreaked havoc on his credibility and reputation, as well as his nearly completed graduate degree.  It is a pretty rough situation for him, and many people are probably running the other way, "out of an abundance of caution."

At Men's Bible Study this morning we were discussing how the church is as guilty of this phenomenon as any other entity, if not more so, even though we preach about grace and forgiveness.  Personally, I am a bit removed from the situation, with only a couple people we both know, mostly indirectly.  So while the truth does matter, as always, I have few details, and little way of verifying any of them, and the past incident may not be as significant as his reaction to it.  Whatever the truth of the past may be, as long as he is repentant, and wants to change, I am open to continuing to work with him, which I believe is the right attitude to have.  The practicality of making that happen is a different matter entirely.

While it would theoretically be possible to resume communication with him, and never even mention or acknowledge the incident and aftermath, that doesn't seem like a very healthy approach for anyone involved.  But initiating a conversation about the recent events, that I know little of the true details about, is quite challenging.  I want to bring the issue up, without being dismissive of or insensitive to what he has gone through in the aftermath.  I want to communicate that I have heard certain things, so I am not totally in the dark, without making assumptions or judgments about the incident itself until I hear his side of the story.  And I want to open the path towards resuming our relationship, while still setting boundaries while I learn more about where he is at, and what effect these events have had on him.  So that email draft has been bouncing around for a while, both in my head and now onscreen.  A textbook example of the significance of articulate and sensitive diplomacy, and a test case for reconciliation and rebuilding.  But it ain't easy, and who knows how it will be received.

Courage and Cowardice

While most virtues are losing their regard in popular society, courage is still valued, and cowardice frowned upon.  It is interesting to observe which current events are made all consuming for a moment, and then forgotten in a week, and which are more enduring, resulting in actual changes.  The Valentine's Day shooting in Florida seems to be sticking around in the public consciousness, more so than other mass shootings in recent memory.  This may be due to a few unique characteristics compared to most other recent shootings, that shed some light on how we very courage and cowardice.

Besides the tips that law enforcement ignored ahead of time, there were armed officers on scene during the event that didn't get involved.  The one who was on site from the beginning of the event has already been removed from his position, but there are three other officers who are accused of arriving during the shooting and not engaging the shooter, who initially escaped the scene.

If reports are correct that the officers in Florida took cover outside during the shooting, that is one more result of the erosion of honor in our society.  In trying to remove all forms of shame, we have lost honor in the process.  Men used be more afraid of being a coward than of dying, but that doesn't appear to be true in this case.  But the public reaction seem to be a sign that not all is lost in that regard.  We still do view cowardice with disdain, and are looking to shame and punish those who exhibited it.  This is the first time I can recall hearing of someone being removed from their position based on cowardice, and it will be interesting to see to what degree the other three are held accountable.

It is also interesting to observe the popular public reaction in regards to limiting access to guns to law enforcement triggered by an event that in reality highlighted exactly why we can't rely on law enforcement to be the only force available to react to these kinds of violent events.  But the public is not known for being logical in their reactionary campaigns to current events.  Which is why we need people who have courage to stand up for what is right as opposed to what is popular.

"We (demons) have made men proud of most vices, not not of cowardice.  Whenever we have almost succeeded in doing so, the Enemy permits a...calamity, and at once courage becomes so obviously lovely and important even in human eyes that all our work is undone, and there is still at least one vice which they feel genuine shame." (C.S. Lewis's Screwtape Letters 30)