I have a variety of seemingly random strange quirks that I
have been conscious of for many years. I
don't like certain types of clothing, and really don't like wearing other
people's clothing. I avoid touching
other people in most situations, especially strangers. I don't usually sleep in other people's beds,
including my mom's old one, even though I have moved into her house. I recall my first summer at scout camp I
refused to use my dad's sleeping bag that I was sent with. I just was a bit chilly until the last night,
when we didn't use our tents, so I was freezing. I woke up to find one of the leaders had put
it on top of me like a blanket, but I still didn't like the idea.
It has also recently been repeatedly brought to my attention
that any physical contact with my girlfriend is always in constant motion. At first I would endlessly rub whatever part
of her back my hand was resting on.
After she asked me to avoid doing that, it evolved into constantly
pulsing or squeezing. I just couldn't
leave our contact static for some reason, and the whole thing was always
unconscious until she brought it to my attention each time.
My muscles are also pretty tense all the time. I was at least aware of that one, because
that constant tension was negatively affecting my jaw and teeth back when I
lived in SoCal. That is less of a
problem now, but it seems that I am still a very tense guy.
I didn't see any common link between these unusual issues
until recently. It is interesting how
talking opening with someone else about ways in which they experience life
differently can be very enlightening.
The example I always use is color hue.
Other people could perceive what I see as green, as what I interpret to
be red. Since color is really just
varying wavelengths, the hues we "see" are entirely in our
minds. I now believe, that in the same
way, I "feel" things differently than most other people.
Most people's nerves report changes to what their skin is
contacting or feeling, but once the change stops, so does the report. In my case, my nerves report continuously, so
I am always hyper-conscious of anything I am touching. And beyond that, the sensation doesn't
necessarily go away once the stimulus does.
I am pretty sure that compared to "normal" people, I have a
persistent sensation from anything I touch, until I touch something else that
overrides the previous feeling.
Imagine putting on someone else's jacket. You are probably initially very conscious of
the fact that it is different from yours.
But after a few minutes, you adapt to it, and eventually don't even
notice. I don't adapt, I just continue
being conscious of the difference for a long period of time, and sometimes even
after I take it off I can still "feel' it.
If I shake hands with someone whose hands are cold, once they let go,
while the sensation of pressure dissipated, the sensation of the lower
temperature will continue to be felt.
The only way to make it go away is to override it with something else,
like the pressure of rubbing my hand against something else, or in more extreme
cases, washing them in cold water. That
shocks the nerves, and flushes the sensation I am still feeling.
In the past, this has mostly had the effect of exaggeration
of a negative thing, but when physical contact is a positive thing to start
with, like cuddling with my girlfriend, it greatly enhances it instead. But because I "feel" the same thing
whether I continue touching her or not, I think I subconsciously make sure our
contact is in constant motion, to make sure she is still there. (Or just to constantly be feeling a new
sensation, to fully appreciate that she obviously IS still there.) But it is interesting to see a positive
result of that issue, after dealing with so many negative ones up to this
point.
