Health (and) Insurance

As we approach the end of the year, much of the focus of the media and politics is on healthcare, and the new laws going into effect.  I am strongly opposed to nearly every aspect of the changes.  It's not that I think that everything was perfect as it was, but this is clearly a step in the wrong direction.

People don't need health insurance, they need healthcare.  Insurance is just one part of how that can be facilitated.  Insurance is the means, not the end, and technically healthcare is also a means, not an end to itself.  The desired end result is health, not healthcare, nor health insurance.  Society doesn't need cheaper health insurance, in needs cheaper healthcare.  This is due to both malpractice litigation, and pharmaceutical costs.  The government shouldn't be trying to lower insurance costs; it should be trying to lower healthcare costs.  Ideally they should stay out of it entirely, but the costs have been artificially inflated due to government regulation and manipulation, which is what made insurance so expensive in the first place.  And drug costs are insane.  I randomly came across someone else’s bill for medication, and saw that they were taking over a thousand dollars a month in pills, all at no direct expense to themselves.  It’s just a game between the insurance companies and the pharmaceutical companies, seeing who can charge more money, and how much money they can get invested into the system in general.

Neither health insurance nor even health care is a universal right.  It hadn't even been invented a hundred years ago.  The government should protect "access" to health care, but shouldn't provide it. People shouldn't be turned away because they are black, or gay, or any other discriminating way.  But it shouldn't be provided for free.

I am not a huge fan of tying health insurance to employment, but I have also never received it that way.  People should be responsible for their own health, not their employer, not the government, but themselves.  I agree that it is currently unreasonably expensive, but that does not lead me to the conclusion that the government should help pay for it.

Basic health maintenance care should not be covered by insurance, in the same way that car insurance doesn't cover oil changes and brake replacement.  That would cut costs dramatically right there.  And then just cutting out much of the regulation and bureaucracy would help as well.

Keeping oneself healthy is a personal responsibility, and hinges on many factors beyond insurance.  Certain treatable conditions are unforeseeable, and occur at no fault of the patient.  This is why insurance is important.  Having the government involved in its citizen’s individual health is huge violation of liberty.  Freedom entails responsibility, and if the government removes the responsibility of healthcare from someone, it removes that freedom as well.

In a more practical sense, once the government is paying for people's healthcare, that fact can be used to justify exerting control over other aspects of their lives.  Anything the government deems to be a healthier choice could be mandated in the name of lowering the resulting healthcare cost that the government is covering.  Certain places have outlawed soda pop and things like that, and this could be seen occurring in wider ways, being justified as being in the public good, both health wise, and financially.  While I am in favor of people making wise choices, they shouldn't be forced upon them, because then it is no longer a choice.

Our country was founded by people who believed that liberty was worth dying for.  Letting people be responsible for their own health and healthcare may lead to a few more deaths.  But isn’t freedom worth that cost?  “Give me liberty or give me death!” (Patrick Henry 1775)

Truth on the Internet

You can find all sorts of things on the internet, and it is hard to know what to trust.  The sheer quantity of information available inherently makes it difficult to sort through.  That is the whole reason search engines were invented.  The internet did exist before them, they weren't part of the "original plan" back when Al Gore invented the internet.

One of the original sources of misinformation was The Onion, a satirical news site.  Their stories were absurdly outlandish, and poked irreverent fun at a whole host of different things.  I have a sense of humor, so I was not opposed to what they were doing.  More recently, many more sites with made up news stories have appeared.  These are usually associated by people as something similar, satirical news.  But these new ones have little humor or deeper meaning to their stories, they are just lies.  The more outlandish the headline the better, and then unlike the Onion, they try to make the actual story as plausible as possible, regardless of how true it is.

Lots of people read these and share them with others, assuming they are true.  Unlike the Onion, it is hard to tell the truth from the fiction, and they are written that way deliberately.  And I finally realized this is the newest generation of intrusive advertising, like spam or pop-ups in the past.

Based on the way online advertising usually works, more visits or "hits" means more revenue.  So the creators of these sites put the most shocking content on them that they can dream up, hoping that the headlines will catch people's attention and hold their curiosity long enough for them to want to know more.  Now if the story was so ridiculous that you could tell right away that it was false, then it would not hold the reader's interest.  But if they believe it is, or even just might be true, then they will want to know more.  And then selectively providing links to related articles both confirms to the reader that this is part of a larger story, and provides more potential clicks and hits, and therefore more money for the host.  And getting it shared on Facebook or things like that just further magnifies its exposure and revenue generating audience.

The end result of all of this, is that the current system has set up an interesting set of incentives.  There are lots of people out in the world, at this very moment, trying to create the most believable pack of lies that they can come up with, purely to drive traffic and revenue to their site.  No one monitors what they are doing, and there is nothing illegal about it.  But it has all sorts of negative effects.  It misinforms the public, and anyone gullible enough to believe the stories.  It also adds lots of false content to the internet, making it harder to trust information found there.  And if some outlandish story is actually true, it is going to be very hard to share it, since most people will dismiss it as another satirical story trying to fool them into believing it.  So much for journalistic integrity.

People used to be worried that such a high percentage of the younger population got their news primarily from Jon Stewart on the Daily Show.  But that isn't so bad, they are usually just making fun of the truth, as opposed to propagating lies.  Truth has both practical and spiritual significance, and is becoming harder and harder to find.  While all of these new technological developments could make it easier to confirm and verify truth of communications and stories, it actually is making it more difficult.

The End of The World

I have been reading a very interesting book about the end times, called Win the World or Escape the Planet.  I usually avoid diving too deeply into things like end of the world prophesy, since I worry about that type of stuff enough already.  Focusing on it less is usually better, regardless of the context, and just take one day at a time, as the Lord provides them.  But this book has a very different approach than I am used to, and is fairly comforting in most aspects.  The author's definitely take the approach that most of the specifically predicted events took place in the first century, and only the final pieces still await us.  They make some pretty strong arguments for that case, and I can agree with most of them.

They deliberately try to be overwhelmingly positive, and while they do acknowledge that certain negative things clearly are coming, they sort of blow by those issues as quickly as possible.  They expect the world, and the spread of the church, to increase and improve, contrary to the prevailing Christian attitude.

The talk a lot about dispensationalism, which is a term I had never even heard.  They present that in a very negative light, so I am biased against it, but even without their commentary, I am confident I would be that way.  The underlying beliefs that those ideas stem from seem ridiculous to me: that God would change the rules (or ways of "dispensing" grace) repeatedly throughout history, and even more so that Israel and the church have separate destinies.  I had never heard them explained that way, but I had heard of most of the resulting ideas, including the rapture, the millennium, etc.  I just didn't know the variety of ideas that some people believe are associate with those possible future events.

Positive or not, I would rather not see any of that stuff take place anytime soon.  I'd prefer to live to a nice old age, right here on earth.  Heaven is supposed to be "better" than here, but God created this life to be experienced as well, in its own unique way.  Mortality adds a unique level of meaning to life, which I expect will be quite different in an eternal state.  Plus I am under the illusion that I know what to expect here on earth, while the afterlife is largely unknown.  From a Biblical perspective, life is inherently good, so I would prefer to avoid ending it anytime soon, regardless of whether from death or "the Second Coming."  But I have little control over any of that, and will have to take it as it comes.  The only thing I can do is pray about it, which probably isn't a bad idea.

Learning to Do Leisure

I am not very good at making a point to set time aside for leisure.  If the opportunity presents itself, I am getting better at making sure I take it.  But when those opportunities don't present themselves on their own, I eventually find that aspect of life lacking.

I used to feel guilty any time I wasn't doing something productive, but now I am conscious that spending time with other people is usually well worth the time invested.  That is "the point" of all of that work I do, to facilitate time spent "fellowshipping" with others.  But I still have trouble with the idea of taking time "off" when I am by myself.  I feel like I should be "doing something."

I did a lot better over the last couple of months, because having a girlfriend causes many of those opportunities to present themselves on a regular basis.  And having someone else to spend time with facilitates that process as well. Just having someone to talk to is its own form of leisure, which is far better than the alone equivalent of: thinking.

I know that "relaxing" isn't necessarily doing nothing, but I am not particularly good at doing either one, let alone both.  I find that when I am alone, my idle time is not spent effectively.  One could argue that is the whole point, but I in this case, it goes beyond that.  I need to get better at resting, both reserving time to do that, and then using the time that has been reserved for it to actually rest.  This includes sleep, although I have no conscious control over whether I am successful at actually falling asleep, not doing other things instead seems like a good start to facilitating that process.  And maybe the reason I can't sleep is closely related to the part about not being able to relax.  But what can one do about that?

What I do know is that I "relax" better when I am spending time with other people, so I probably should try to spend less time alone.  But most of what I have been doing recently is fairly solitary be default, and I don't exactly have too many social opportunities presenting themselves to me.  So I need to seek out those communal leisure activities more.

Let it Snow

There has been a good bit of snow accumulation here in the last couple of hours.  It will be interesting to see how much falls overnight.  It isn't every day that we get snow in my neck of the woods.  And this is the first time it has snowed on my new house, not that I expect that to be a problem.

I live in an area that does get snow on occasion, but not so frequently that it is a normal phenomenon.  That means that everyone makes a pretty big deal about preparing for it.  I was more focused on the cold than the snow, since that affects my newly replaced pipes and such.  But Home Depot and other stores I have been frequenting this week are doing pretty brisk business in generators and such.  I left a neighborhood late in the evening, and realized that while the road in had lots of traffic on it, I was driving on virgin snow on the road, meaning that while people were still returning home from work in the falling snow, no one in that whole area had left their home recently.  I guess I am just not as intimidated by snow as others are.  Or I am too stubborn to change my plans on account of a silly little blizzard.  I would have attributed that to never having experienced being stuck in the snow, until I remembered that wasn't quite true.  I got my truck stuck in a friend's driveway a couple years ago, and after extracting it back into a parked position, I ended up sleeping on her couch for the night, instead of attempting to head out again.  It wasn't a big deal though, and no damage to my truck from sliding sideways off of the pavement into a snow bank.

LA doesn't get snow, and the rare occasion of rain causes quite the stir.  But at the end of the days, rain rarely has nearly as serious an effect as snow.  You might have to move your picnic indoors, but you aren't going to get "stuck" in the rain.  So people down there aren't accustomed to having their plans changed by Mother Nature.  People in Minnesota on the other hand, come to expect that.  I am always amazed at how many large businesses are headquartered in Minneapolis, presumably for tax reasons.  So when I call up some of our vendors for tech support, I occasionally learn that they aren't in, due to a snow day.  And back when I lived in LA, that triggered the thought, "oh, it's winter, isn't it?"  It wouldn't otherwise cross my mind.  Sometimes they would mention that it was ten below outside, and I would point out that if they came to solve my issue in person, they could go to the beach just few miles from the office.

Anyhow, snow is always an adventure to deal with.  It will be interesting to see how much is on the ground tomorrow morning.  I don't anticipate too many dramatic effects this time around.  But it is still pretty early in the season.

Visible Progress

I have recently come to realize how important visible progress can be as a source of motivation.  That idea can be applied to a wide spectrum of possible changes.  In my case, the most obvious would be my house renovation project.  The first two months were very impressive in that regard, with major things happening every day.  The longer I have continued to work on it, the slower progress has become.  Part of that is because I spend less time on it, and have less help, so naturally less work is actually getting done.  But it is more due to the fact that the tasks I am working on are more cosmetic and meticulous, finishing little time consuming details.  So I can work hard all day, and look back at very little to show for my time.  But someone who comes over once a week will see changes, because they aren't seeing the individual gradations in the meantime.

It has been a lot less motivating to work on things the last couple of weeks, due to the lack of visible changes, which kind of makes me want to move on to another stage of the project.  But I know I need to finish up the final details on the things I have already started, instead of making a new mess somewhere else.  It would be more motivating, but there are other potential sources of motivation that I need to learn to tap into more effectively.

The importance of visible progress can be applied to other things as well.  For me the most obvious one in the immediate sense is the idea of getting married.  Whether I have made any progress in that regard recently is debatable, but there have clearly been some setbacks.  Longer term, the idea of having kids is a great example of this.  Birth is a visible change, and I am sure early on there are many changes, but they are spaced out by long nights of crying and dirty diapers.  As children get older, the growth usually slows, which makes it less visible when viewed in daily gradations, which is why threshold accomplishments are celebrated, like birthdays, first day of school, graduation, etc.  It is those times that we step back and realize how much has changed over a longer period of time.

Our relationship with God can be the same way.  For many people, their initial conversion is accompanied by big changes in their hearts and minds.  These changes can have a dramatic impact on their outward choices and actions, and noticed by both themselves and others.  But fast forward a few months, and that becomes the new "norm."  It is amazing how fast people can adapt to changes, both good and bad.  That is one of the reasons it can be so hard to see progress over a longer period of time.  But things obviously won't be perfect, no matter how much better the new norm is.  So that can cause one to question: "Am I doing enough?  Was that really change?" etc.  So we should be able to find motivation outside of visible progress, because it won't always be there, and that is okay.  We are always growing in one way or another, and many of those changes aren't easily outwardly visible to others, and too gradual for us to be fully conscious of either.  One of the reasons I have this blog is so that I can look at how my thoughts and beliefs on things change over a long period of time.  That is one of the reasons it is so interesting to go back and read old posts, to see how much I have changed and grown since I wrote them.  In the long run, the invisible is usually more valuable than the visible.

Gravity

We are all familiar with gravity, and it has a constant effect on our lives.  Interestingly, no one knows why gravity works, only how to describe and predict how it affects objects.  How do two sets of molecules exert a force on each other, thousands of miles apart, with nothing actually connecting them?  At its core, gravity is a force that attracts all objects in the universe together.  Each pulling at each other in an infinite web of interactions, all drawing each other closer, even as the universe expands, due to the stronger force of inertia.  The closer two objects get, the stronger the force they exert on each other.

Gravity is powerful enough to hold the largest object firmly on the ground, and to sling objects far into space, if harnessed correctly.  All objects in the universe are constantly in motion, but if any object somehow managed to truly stop, gravity would do two things.  It would force the object into motion again immediately, and cause it to begin to be absorbed by the nearest larger object.

This is similar to how God designed people to interact with one another.  There is some force that ties all people together, even if some times it is too weak to feel or measure.  There are certain patterns in how we affect each other, which can be predicted, even if we don't truly know how they work.  The closer two people are, the stronger the influence they exert on each other.  The connections we have with others can be very powerful.  And if at any point we were to ever totally stop moving or growing, it is the people around us who would get us going again.

God has a tendency to apply good ideas in multiple unrelated ways.  In the same way that solar systems and atoms have the same design to their structure, gravity and relationships have much in common in how they define the effect that we have on others around us, in both the physical and interpersonal realms.

Closing Doors

I have never been one to deliberately close doors in my life.  This has the effect of giving me lots of options at any given moment, but also comes at a cost.  Managing a lot of open doors can be challenging, and most doors require some level of attention and maintenance.  Sometimes doors probably just need to be closed, otherwise why would they need to exist, when just a doorway would be fine.  But that is not something I have much experience doing, and I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.  I believe that the trend in general can be a bad thing, since I hesitate to do it at all, even when I should, but each specific instance seems like it has been a potentially good thing not to do so.

Career wise, I make myself available to a variety of different companies and organizations.  That is how I support myself financially, and I get paid well for being available, but it occasionally leads to challenging situations.  Sometimes two groups have conflicting needs, and I have to prioritize my time between the two, and sometimes the magnitude of the needs in general can start to consume my life.  But I rarely deliberately close out one of those consulting relationships, even if it ceases to be particularly beneficial to me, whether it is out of loyalty, or hope for future improvement, or just a straight up desire to have employment options available, I am not sure.  Some of those arrangements do end, usually fading out over time, but with the door not locked to future possibilities.

In the context of relationships, I very rarely close doors on people, at least once they have been clearly opened.  I don't always open the door for strangers, at least not right away.  It usually takes me a little while to warm up to people.  I make a point of not doing things to push people away.  I don't necessarily deliberately end my relationships with people who offend or hurt me.  Maybe I should in certain cases, for my own mental health, but I don't, usually blindly assuming that is the right thing to do.  Other people close doors on me, and while I would prefer that didn't happen, I know it is just part of life, and I am used to it.  But I don't necessarily lock it on my side when they do get closed.  I have a number of "friendships" that are pretty dormant, but I don't necessarily end them.  I have recognized that certain people only come to me when they need something, and I try to set healthy boundaries there, without cutting them out of my life entirely.

I have never blocked someone on Facebook, or ignored their phone calls or texts.  I may take longer to get back to certain people, especially if they haven't communicated an urgent need, but I don't deliberately ignore them.  And when I realize that I have let something slip farther through the cracks than I intended, I usually feel guilty about that, although it is never intentional.

Clearly I am in the habit of not closing doors in my life unless absolutely necessary.  So recently, when I was in a situation where most people would have very deliberately closed a door, I felt a strong urge not to.  I felt like God was telling me not to, but that was not exactly an audible voice or anything.  I had to deal with the question of whether that was just me not wanting to do something that I usually avoided, or actually God trying to tell me something.  I didn't know what he could be trying to tell me, and I didn't have any good reason not to, but I still waited.  The door is closed now, and that is an acceptable and healthy outcome.  I still wonder if I was correct in believing that I wasn't supposed to close it, and if so, why not?  But I don't necessarily expect an answer to that question anytime soon.  I just hope I have a clearer idea of what to do and why, the next time I am faced with a door that needs to be closed.

The Purpose of Hair

I read a strange article on hair this week, and while I haven't gotten a chance to verify if any part of it is actually true, it has triggered some interesting thoughts.  The basic premise was that hair, as part of the nervous system, is responsible for more of our sensory input than we are conscious of.  It claimed that tests had established a correlation between people growing longer hair, and having a stronger intuitive "sixth sense" of what was going on around them.  The proposed reasoning being that hair was a highly sensitive extension of the central nervous system, and provided the brain with a wealth of subconsciously processed information.

I am not convinced it is true, but it is certainly possible.  And if it is true, it would provide reasoning behind a couple of interesting phenomenon.  One is that in general females are stereotypically associated with having a stronger sense of intuition, and have stronger "feelings" (which aren't necessarily limited to emotions) than males who traditionally lean more heavily on logic and reason.  Females also usually have longer hair than guys, so that at least in general lines up with the idea.

As a random personal anecdote, I got my hair cut a few weeks ago, although it wasn't particularly long anyway.  And while I didn't recognize the change at the time, upon re-examining the timeline of recent events, that day represented a strong shift in my intuitive understanding of what my girlfriend was thinking.  Prior to that point, I had been uncharacteristically good at figuring out what she was thinking and feeling, even when she wasn't ready to share that directly.  That is usually an area that I struggle greatly with, and recognizing that pattern was a significant part of the "connection" I felt between us.  From that evening I got a haircut onward, I ceased being able to relate to what she was thinking and doing, although I was very consciously trying to better figure that out.  The idea is a little far fetched, and I am sure there were other factors at play, but the timing does cause one to wonder if that had any effect on the relationship.

The possibility of that being true also brings up some interesting questions about what God was trying to tell us in the seemingly random requirements of the Old Testament Nazarite vow.  Was the prohibition against cutting one's hair to better enable them to sense what God was trying to show and tell them during that time.  And the story of Samson and Delilah becomes an extreme illustration of what happens in general, as opposed to a unique one-off tale.

Now I am not going to grow my hair out super long as a reaction to discovering this possibility, but I will consciously observe the effect that haircuts have in the future.  And who knows, maybe that will lead me to wait a little longer between trims, or discourage me from taking it back quite so far.  And where does facial hair or other body hair fit into the equation?  I can see how body hair can extend the range that one's skin can feel, but to the degree discussed in that article?  Or maybe the whole article was a crazy prank, and the human mind is conditioned to "find" examples of things it believes to be true.  Who knows what information you can trust these days?

Prioritizing Relationships

I want to get married someday.  And have a strong, enduring, "successful" marriage is on the highest position on my mental list of accomplishment goals.  I try to make sure that my choices and actions reflect that goal.  While I have not spend too much time actually in serious romantic relationships moving explicitly toward that goal, when I am not in a relationship, there are still things I can do to pursue the eventual accomplishment of that goal.  Learning about people and relationships is always helpful, since I feel naturally deficient in that area, and reading books can be good too.  It also affects larger decisions as well.

There are many reasons that motivated my decision to move away from LA, even though I had a dream job down there.  One of the primary ones was that I recognized that while I had accomplished many other goals in LA, being there wasn't moving me any closer to accomplishing the goal of developing a lasting relationship, for a number of reasons.  One was that my job absorbed my entire life when I was there.  I also felt little in common with most other people in Southern California, even my close friends there, and couldn't (/can't) imagine marrying someone from down there, due to the cultural differences.  I also recognized that I was beginning to take on some of those Southern California traits that I disliked, which isn't who I wanted to become, and also probably wouldn't make me a better husband in the long run.

So I make serious relationships a priority, even when I am not in one, which I think is a good thing, and I am totally at peace with the results of that.  Now when I am actually pursuing a serious relationship, I also prioritize that above pretty much everything else.  And that I have mixed feelings about.  It seems like a good thing on the surface, since that is what I am looking for, but the question is, at what cost.  During all three of my serious relationships, my friendships and level of communication with other people has decreased dramatically.  That is due to my time and energy being directed elsewhere, and while that energy is not being wasted, those "less significant" relationships that I am neglecting have value too.  In order to sustain a serious relationship to create a life long marriage, I am going to need the support and advice of other people in my community.

Other aspects of life fall to the wayside as well, and while they aren't as "important" as developing a significant relationship, life does inherently entail responsibilities that need to be taken care of.  My to-do list is pretty long at the moment, since there are a lot of things I have been putting off.  Now in this case there are a variety of other reasons for that, including my recent move.  But I am familiar with the feeling, because I have experienced it before, at times when those other outside factors weren't available as excuses.

So in the future, when Lord willing, I find myself in another serious relationship, I will need to do a better job of maintaining that balance.  It is necessary to distinguish between things that are "important" (for example relationship development) and things that are "urgent" (like paying bills and other practical needs).  Anyhow, I don't think I did a terrible job with that this time around, considering the state of my house, but there is definitely room for improvement in the future.  Especially since I am hoping that in the future, there won't BE a time to catch up with those things “afterwards.”

Things Don't Always Go as Planned

I have been faced with a couple of challenging decisions to make recently, with no previous experience to lean on.  It is always harder to figure out what to do when things aren't going well.  I don't really know how to react to people treating me disrespectfully, but it is rarely something I have to deal with.  I assume it is obvious that responding disrespectfully in return will only make the situation worse, but not letting them affect you or get to you usually upsets them even more, which is not my intended goal.  But there doesn't seem to be any ideal response in those situations.

And not every problem can be solved by thinking about it hard enough.  But I know that at least for me, understanding why things are happening is much less disconcerting than being totally confused.  I am someone who strongly believes that things don't just happen at random; they are always the product of a long series of individual decisions.  Sometimes we don't notice the sum total of those decisions building up until it catches us by surprise, but that doesn't change the fact that they were there all along.  Believing that things happen at random abdicates the participants of some level of responsibility for the outcome.  I don't understand everything that happens around me, but I try to make some sense out of what I observe.  And finding some level of order can be reassuring, in that it implies that things aren't just happening at random, without any specific reason or cause.

Observing my own reactions and emotions has been a bit enlightening.  I have been told many times that you learn a lot about yourself from being in a serious relationship.  I am sure that is true, but the revelations that stand out to me at the moment are all pretty simple and surface.  I have learned that I can get swept up in things on an emotional level more than I expected, and that doesn't necessarily lead to thinking clearly about things, even when I am aware of that issue.  And maybe I should probably put more stock in other people's perspective, and less faith in the idea that I can successfully be the exception to the norm.

But a big part of the relationship process still appears to be a unique fit between two very different people, which can be troubling in that I see no way to figure that out without just trying to see how it goes.  I don't like the numbers approach, be it the "lots of fish in the sea" attitude, or the "make sure you have shopped around" mentality.  I know people who are happily married to the first person they ever dated, so there must be more to it than that.  But I clearly haven't figured out what that is.  Well I don't intend to stop trying, but I don't feel too encouraged at the moment.

Courage

This morning’s sermon was about courage, specifically in the context of social interactions.  I don’t usually see myself as lacking much in that regard, but it did feel applicable at the moment.

It does take courage to tell people things they don’t want to hear, which is something I find myself doing frequently.  And it takes courage to be different from those around you, which is pretty much a permanent state of being for me, but especially when working in Hollywood.  I usually don’t find myself too affected by those differences, the way some people do.  But recognizing the effect others there were having on me is one of the reasons I moved back North, which I don’t consider to be a lack of courage at all.

But the situations that I find myself needing to consciously summon up courage to deal with, are potential conflicts with those who I am closest to.  I have a few conversations I know I need to have with other people, that I hesitate to initiate, either because I know they will not approve of my approach to things, or because I know they have a very different perspective than I do.

But avoiding conflict is very rarely a good solution to potential problems, and putting off dealing with things usually makes them worse.  Ironically in my case, one of the key issues in question is how soon to do certain things, so putting off those discussions actually could make them easier when they do happen.  But others I need to jump on sooner rather than later.  It just takes courage to take that first step, knowing that either the outcome, or even just the process, could be challenging to deal with.

Stress and Work

It is interesting to observe the effect that stress has on our life and decisions.  I make many decisions based on the motivation to avoid unnecessary stress when possible, but stress also affects our ability to make decisions.  I moved this weekend, and I am not entirely sure why.  The intent was to simplify life sooner, so that I wasn't spanning my life over so many different locations for so long.  But the end result has probably greatly increased my stress, by moving into a residence that isn't completed yet, and won't be while I am traveling next week.  So I am leaving for a trip with my "life" (at least in a physical sense) in complete disarray.  That doesn't lead to a sense of peace and focus as I head down to work.

Ironically I also feel stressed about not having been "working" in so long, since I have been too busy finishing my house to head down to LA for the last two months.  But that is just missing the larger picture, which is that the whole reason for working at a paying job is to afford a place to live and such.  That expense is made cheaper by all of the time I have been putting into repairing my own house.  So while my colleagues in LA haven't seen me in quite a while, that doesn't accurately reflect the amount of work I have been doing in the bigger picture, and arguably more important and authentic work at that.  But all that work has not left much time to ponder the types of things I post on here, which is totally fine with me, at least for the time being.  I try to make sure I keep my priorities straight, in light of the bigger picture.

Federal Government Shutdown

The federal government has been shutdown for two weeks now, and aside from the national parks being closed, no one seems to have noticed.  And the parks being shutdown is an artificial consequence, deliberately designed to antagonize the public, and make certain employees feel better about the value of their jobs.  If no one noticed the shutdown having any major effect on them, it would not look good for the federal government.

The whole situation just goes to show how over-sized and over-priced the federal government has become.  Life goes on without them, and while admittedly only the "nonessential" workers have been sent home, (for no real reason, with full pay) they clearly fill roles that are not necessarily required.  And actual concern for the good of the "people" doesn't even seem to be an issue on the table, even though that is the entire reason that government exists in the first place.  The fact that everyone will be paid in full eventually, and there were extra costs incurred means that the whole shutdown will have no upside to anyone.  If it was at least saving us money to help solve the budget crisis, I would be in favor of it continuing indefinitely.  But as it is, Congress is just continuing to dig themselves a deeper hole every day.

I am not an anarchist, but I do firmly believe that smaller government is better government.  Reagan had lots of good quotes on that topic that I really like.  There are certain roles that are best filled by a central authority, like national defense, or setting standards for communication and commerce.  But most other services can be better provided by smaller, more local entities.  There is no excuse for social security or welfare to be run at the federal level, and definitely not healthcare, which is the issue at hand.  While there are economies of scale, many things in life don't scale well.  Church is a great example of this, and past a couple hundred people, something is lost in the process.  Government is the same way, and while I am not sure where the line is, I am confident that it is well short of a $2 Trillion budget and a $16 Trillion debt.

I fear/expect that the US will not exist in its current form within the next fifty years.  The only real questions are how it changes, and whether the existing state governments can be utilized to make that transition less violent and painful for the citizens.  Since the power of the states in constantly declining in deference to the expansion of the federal government, it would seem that it would be better in the long run, for things to get shaken up sooner rather than later.  Maybe if the government shutdown was permanent, or if that triggered larger changes, that would be for the better.  Now the selfish/scared part of me doesn't want to have to deal with that kind of change anytime soon, but I don't have much control over when that happens anyway.

Maintaining a Special Relationship

I have been able to spend a lot of time with my girlfriend recently, which I have greatly enjoyed.  As is common for a developing romantic relationship, that time feels very special, as we grow closer and get to know each other better.  Part of me doesn't ever want to get “used to” feeling that way around her.  But I also would like to do that as much as possible for the rest of my life.  So from a certain perspective, while spending time with her can still feel good, it won't always feel so "special."  Special is defined as "better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual."  Therefore, if something is usual, it technically can't be special.  And I definitely know what I would like to see become “usual” in my life.

Now that doesn't necessarily mean that people eventually have to take each other for granted, but they will grow more accustomed to one another's company, and that is not a bad thing.  But since that phase won't last forever, it should be enjoyed while it lasts.  There is a temptation to always be looking forward to what is next, and where things are going.  That is true in many other aspects of life as well, and there is a place for that, but not at the expense of ignoring the present, and appreciating where God has us now.

I probably missed a whole lot of things in high school and college, because I was too busy preparing for the future, to notice what was happening in the present.  Admittedly, that future I was preparing for then, has now become the present, and I am currently reaping the benefits of all that preparation.  So looking towards the future has its place as well, and will help ensure a lasting relationship, just not at the expense of the present.

As relationships develop, things change.  The initial mysterious exploration to discover more about one another can be very exciting, but doesn't last forever.  Trust on the other hand, is (hopefully) constantly growing during that time, and is the lasting result of that exploration process.  And that change continues to happen as both parties in the relationship grow, so that force of constant change acts against the factor of getting “used to” being with someone, to possibly maintain a level of that “specialness” indefinitely.  And that is only one of the many reasons why growth is such an important part of both life and relationships.

Persistent Sensation

I have a variety of seemingly random strange quirks that I have been conscious of for many years.  I don't like certain types of clothing, and really don't like wearing other people's clothing.  I avoid touching other people in most situations, especially strangers.  I don't usually sleep in other people's beds, including my mom's old one, even though I have moved into her house.  I recall my first summer at scout camp I refused to use my dad's sleeping bag that I was sent with.  I just was a bit chilly until the last night, when we didn't use our tents, so I was freezing.  I woke up to find one of the leaders had put it on top of me like a blanket, but I still didn't like the idea.

It has also recently been repeatedly brought to my attention that any physical contact with my girlfriend is always in constant motion.  At first I would endlessly rub whatever part of her back my hand was resting on.  After she asked me to avoid doing that, it evolved into constantly pulsing or squeezing.  I just couldn't leave our contact static for some reason, and the whole thing was always unconscious until she brought it to my attention each time.

My muscles are also pretty tense all the time.  I was at least aware of that one, because that constant tension was negatively affecting my jaw and teeth back when I lived in SoCal.  That is less of a problem now, but it seems that I am still a very tense guy.

I didn't see any common link between these unusual issues until recently.  It is interesting how talking opening with someone else about ways in which they experience life differently can be very enlightening.  The example I always use is color hue.  Other people could perceive what I see as green, as what I interpret to be red.  Since color is really just varying wavelengths, the hues we "see" are entirely in our minds.  I now believe, that in the same way, I "feel" things differently than most other people.

Most people's nerves report changes to what their skin is contacting or feeling, but once the change stops, so does the report.  In my case, my nerves report continuously, so I am always hyper-conscious of anything I am touching.  And beyond that, the sensation doesn't necessarily go away once the stimulus does.  I am pretty sure that compared to "normal" people, I have a persistent sensation from anything I touch, until I touch something else that overrides the previous feeling. 

Imagine putting on someone else's jacket.  You are probably initially very conscious of the fact that it is different from yours.  But after a few minutes, you adapt to it, and eventually don't even notice.  I don't adapt, I just continue being conscious of the difference for a long period of time, and sometimes even after I take it off I can still "feel' it.  If I shake hands with someone whose hands are cold, once they let go, while the sensation of pressure dissipated, the sensation of the lower temperature will continue to be felt.  The only way to make it go away is to override it with something else, like the pressure of rubbing my hand against something else, or in more extreme cases, washing them in cold water.  That shocks the nerves, and flushes the sensation I am still feeling.

In the past, this has mostly had the effect of exaggeration of a negative thing, but when physical contact is a positive thing to start with, like cuddling with my girlfriend, it greatly enhances it instead.  But because I "feel" the same thing whether I continue touching her or not, I think I subconsciously make sure our contact is in constant motion, to make sure she is still there.  (Or just to constantly be feeling a new sensation, to fully appreciate that she obviously IS still there.)  But it is interesting to see a positive result of that issue, after dealing with so many negative ones up to this point.

Trusting the World

I have no doubt that our life experiences have a huge impact on the how we view the world around us.  I am not one who is constantly worried that the world is out to get me, although there are a few things I am concerned about.  I walk around alone in the dark, and trust that I can take care of myself, or that God will protect me, I am honestly not sure which.  I don’t hesitate to leave my windows open at the house, even though I am pretty religious about locking the doors.  I recently asked someone else if they had ever had anything stolen, as a way to better understand the way they saw the world.  Their response about a stuffed animal being stolen from a shared space didn't entail the violation of personal property and space that I was trying to get at.

It would appear that someone stole my camera right out of my truck at some point this weekend.  I believe that is the first time I have ever had something of significant value stolen from me. (Besides numerous bikes in college)  I don't know for certain when or where it was stolen, it honestly took me a day or two to confirm that it was stolen, and not just misplaced.  If it wasn't for the case being missing as well, which I never move, I would still be looking around for it, and the idea that is could have been stolen would never have even occurred to me.  But there were a couple other bits of evidence of things being moved and out of place that I hadn't really paid attention to earlier.  On a more positive note, a larger amount of cash was in the truck as well, but that is still safe and sound ironically.

It bothered me that it was gone, but I didn't feel as violated as I would have expected.  But I am not that emotionally attached to my physical belongings. (Now my laptop on the other hand...)  I am pretty good about locking my truck, and there was no sign of forced entry.  The only time I usually leave it unlocked is when it is sitting outside my house, at the top of my driveway.  The most likely conclusion at this point is that someone could have stolen it out of there while I was sleeping.  Now that idea makes me feel violated.  So much for all of the security around here, that never seemed very effective anyway.  This community is actually known for vehicle break-ins, but I never really worried about it for some reason.  Part of the “trusting the world” thing I guess.

The possibility of it happening at my house, which I see as a safe place, is very different than if it happened while I was parked in a public area while shopping or something.  The result is the same, I am missing a camera, but I feel very different about it, and I am kind of glad that I will be moving pretty soon. (Well for lots of other reasons as well, this is just one more.)

Now ironically, this also settles the question of whether or not I should invest in an upgrade to the new EOS 70D.  I have been waiting for a year, and now that it was released last month, it was just a matter of timing.  But I was planning to give my current one, and its various accessories, to a couple of my friends, which will no longer be an option.  My dad had this happen a few weeks ago with his toolbox that he had been leaving in the bed of his truck.  The difference there is that I found the toolbox sitting in his garage a week later.  I will keep hoping.

From the Lord

"Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD."  Proverbs 19:14 (NIV)  I have had this verse sitting in the long cue of ideas I have for future posts.  I hadn't looked at that list in quite a while, having no real shortage of things on my mind to write about.  This verse has a very different meaning to me now than it did when I added it to the list a few months ago.

My life is like the epitome of an example to illustrate what this verse is talking about.  My house, at least one of them, was inherited from one of my parents, through a unique set of circumstances, ironically hinging on my parents divorce.  (As was a portion of my "wealth")  But I had already gotten most of the things I was interested in, which could be acquired through wealth, so that inheritance had less effect on my life than it otherwise would have.

Technically, a wife probably can be acquired through wealth.  Isn't that one of the stereotypical surface things that girls are interested in?  Guys want physical beauty, and girls want to be spoiled with extravagant luxuries?  But that isn't how one finds a "prudent wife."  And I have tried a lot of other ways as well, and none of them seem to work.  But any progress I may have made in that direction recently, not much of the success was based on anything I did any differently, so the difference must be "from the Lord."

And there has been no shortage of prayer on that topic over the last decade or so, but I have made no significant change in that regard that should affect the outcome.  The positive changes that I have experienced recently are not really of my own doing.  Now once the right door was opened by the Lord, it was still my option to step through it, and it is now my responsibility to lead certain aspects of that.  But my willingness to do so was not lacking in the past, only the opportunity to try.

So I am very conscious of the role God plays in our human relationships, and hopefully I won't lose focus on that reality anytime soon.  Life is far too complicated to attempt without him, and relationships are the combination of two sets of those complications.  So the gender neutral version of the verse would be: "successful relationships are from the Lord."  And that seems very much true to me, and I guess I can accept that reality, although the idea takes a little getting used to.

Truth on a Global Scale

Truth is an interesting concept in today's society.  It is now subject to philosophical challenges that would have been unheard of in the past.  People claim there is no truth, or that they can create their own truth, and all sorts of other ridiculous things.  It is interesting to see what happens when those ideas are tested against the cold hard reality that obviously does truly exist.

Wednesday marked the anniversary of the 9-11 attacks, and there is much debate over what actually happened, let alone who is responsible.  It also marks one year since the attack in Libya, and the truth of the events that unfolded there are even more hotly debated, and less clear.  The lack of trust in our society is clearly evident in how those events are received by the public.  In the past, the facts of current events were debated less than the meaning of those events.  We never even get that far now days, and have trouble finding any agreement on what actually happened in a situation.  Versions of the truth” have degenerated into a complete lack of truth in so many cases.  Those particular events are both past-tense issues, compared to the situation in Syria.

The world is confronted with a very interesting conflict, in determining the truth of what actually happened there.  How does anyone go about proving anything in the modern world, when technology allows so many things to be so intricately fabricated, if deception is the deliberate objective?  And if it can be determined what actually happened, the next question is: who is responsible for what happened?  And in the unlikely event that the answer to that can be agreed upon, that leads to an even more interesting question: how should the world respond to that action?

Justice between individuals, in its practical form, could be seen as revenge executed by the state.  But whose responsibility is it to execute justice against or between states.  Whose responsibility is it to protect the lives of innocent civilians, who are normally supposed to be protected by their government?  And if they have already failed to have been protected, (and are dead) how should that affect the response of outside parties?  You can’t protect people who are dead, only avenge them.  And while there certainly are still other people there who do need protection, dropping more bombs on their country may not be the best way to protect them.  Although if some powerful leader disappeared under mysterious circumstances, I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.  But I don’t know if fighting obscured truth with more obscured truth is necessarily the best approach either.

I don't actually have a strong principle based opinion on the matter of what the exact reaction should be, since I see the strength of the case on either side.  But I see certain conflicts in the Middle East as leading towards fulfillment of Biblical prophesies that I am not looking forward to experiencing in my lifetime.  So, from a strictly selfish perspective, I would prefer that we not increase the level of violent conflict in the region, even though I can see the logical and moral case for doing so.  I also don't trust most of the players involved to have anything close to resembling the right motives for what they want to do.  Anyhow, the truth of all of that will someday be fully revealed.  In the meantime, there is not much else we can do now besides pray about it.  God knows the truth.

The Value of Physical Appearance

I have always been a strong proponent of the idea of "function over form," in nearly every possible context.  I see the effort our society puts towards "keeping up appearances" to be very disingenuous.  This is most obviously apparent in people's physical appearances, and what it says about their identity.  I am generally opposed to any deliberate change to one's appearance, being made purely for aesthetic reasons.  This applies to tattoos and piercing, dying one's hair purple, or even excessive use of makeup.  This is less of an issue for guy's appearances, but they have their own sets of issues.  Some guys go to the gym so that they will look strong and ripped.  In the rare event that I do some form of exercise for its own sake, it is so I will be healthier and in better shape, not so I will look like I am in better shape.

I have always liked to think that I was primarily interested in specific girls for reasons that went far deeper than their outward appearance.  And while I am sure that has always been true, it would actually bother me a bit when I would learn that someone else agreed with me that a certain girl was attractive.  The basic question running through my mind would be: "is she only attractive to me because she is attractive to everyone?"  I don't think that was the case, but that was something I was concerned about, and those types of universally attractive characteristics usually revolve around appearance.  And even recognizing that I too have preferences related to outward appearance kind of bothers me at some level.

And then there is the case of my own physical appearance.  It is not something I spend too much time worrying about.  Maybe I should put at least some effort into it, but I sort of make a point of not altering it.  The only things I used to do on a daily basis growing up, was comb my hair, but now I keep it cut short enough that I don't even need to do that.  I do have facial hair now, and that requires some level of conscious decision on a daily basis, I usually take the lowest maintenance route I can come up with.  Clothing wise, I am known for wearing a T-shirt and jeans at work, no matter what the occasion, kind of like Zuckerburg's trademark hoodie.

So we can safely conclude that I am not too concerned about my physical appearance, but that topic has come up in a number of contexts recently that I am not accustomed to.  I have always figured that regardless of how I feel about my appearance, I am probably average looking.  I intend to get married someday, and my wife is going to have to accept how I look, because I have no intention of changing.  I know I have lots of other positive characteristics, so I figured those should offset anything I am lacking in the appearance department.  But the idea that my actual appearance might be a positive instead of a negative in that context is kind of a new idea.

There was a girl a while back who was very excited to see me with my shirt off, which I never would have expected.  Now admittedly, three years of ropes course building has really developed my upper body, but I had never thought about that, not even once.  Then I have had other people tell me they like other aspects of my outward appearance as well recently, and even just a couple of comments have a way of reframing my own perspective on that topic a bit.  I still have no intention of doing much to alter or improve it, but it does lead to a bit of confidence in an area where there was none before.

Navigating a Route in a Complex Environment

Driving around Los Angeles is always an interesting experience.  Besides the terrible traffic and insane drivers (or vice-versa), there is just too much city to actually know all of it.  I have a pretty good idea of the basic layout of freeways and main thoroughfares, and just rely on the fact that it is basically a grid.  Even if I lay out a precise route ahead of time, I can't compensate for the unexpected traffic jams, road closures, and construction delays, for any trip over 15 minutes.  I frequently find myself making an impulsive right hand turn to get off of a street that is suddenly coming to a halt.  That places me somewhere new, that I have never been, while I try to find an efficient path to a point I am more familiar with.  I usually use dead reckoning to ensure I am at least moving closer to my destination during that search.

When I am down in the thick of things, I can't see the traffic on the streets next to mine, the way someone following my progress on Google Maps would.  Before I had a smart-phone, I used to call a friend of mine who was always in front of his computer, anytime I got stuck in heavy freeway traffic, so he could check the Sigalert website, and tell me which freeways were less congested options to get to my destination.  Outside input can be very helpful in navigating certain situations, especially if I have never found myself in a particular place before.

I am not necessarily always in a huge hurry, but I am someone who is very conscious of how much time is being spent or wasted on a particularly trip.  I usually try to avoid unnecessary delays or U-turns, purely for the sake of efficiency.  In the same way, I don't always follow the speed limit as closely as I could, but I recognize the risk I am taking by ignoring that, both the potential for being pulled over and getting a ticket, or of getting hurt more if something goes wrong.

I usually have a good idea of where my destination is located, but the best route to get there is frequently less clear.  And the same can be true in relationships.  It is not always clear how to get to where we are trying to go.

Moving Forward

I have had trouble coming up with a good topic to post on.  Driving around town, I specifically remember a variety of interesting ideas coming to mind.  But I didn't make note of what they were, so when I sit down in front of my computer, I come up totally blank, and slightly distracted.  I want to put something up, because the somewhat deliberate (or OCD) side of my mind doesn't like going any longer between posts.  I have been a bit distracted and overwhelmingly busy recently, so I haven't had time to focus much on this.  And that is pretty ironic, considering I recently discovered the magnitude of the potential value in this endeavor in writing and sharing.  But since this process may have succeeded in fulfilling its original primary objective, it is a bit harder to find the motivation to stay so on top of it, with everything else going on.  But I also know that there are many other things to be gained from the process that I go through in writing these posts, so I don't intend to actually stop anytime soon.  And eventually I intend for the life narrative to catch up nearly to real time, but it is hard to find time to write down those experiences from the past, when I am so busy having new ones in the present.  Anyhow, that ought to suffice for now.

Writing Things Down so You Don't Have to Remember Them

On the surface, writing things down so you don't have to remember them seems like a pretty simple and obvious idea.  It is something I always used to avoid doing, because I didn't like writing, and had an excellent memory.  It seemed like a tedious waste of time.  As life got more complicated, I began to do so more frequently, with various systems of making notes for myself over the years.

But that concept can be applied at a much deeper level.  I make a point of writing things down when I don't want to be distracted by them.  This happens most frequently during quiet times at Bible Study, where ideas come to mind when I am trying to relax and be at peace.  I don't want to forget whatever occurred to me if it was important, but I don't want to be distracted by it, so I make a note of it on my cell phone.  And that allows me to refocus, since it is being "remembered" by my phone instead of by my mind.  I do that very consciously, as a tool for releasing small distractions from my mind.

They say that writing can be therapeutic, and I do a lot of writing now days, but I hadn't figured out to what degree that effect was true until recently.  My posts here describe all sorts of life events and experiences, most of which I remember from a long time ago.  So I have a pretty good memory, and am very conscious of things that have happened in the past.  (That is a characteristic that makes forgiveness harder for me.)

Anyhow, someone recently mentioned a major incident that they had read about on here, which almost caught me by surprise, because it had been so long since I had thought about it at all.  It was a somewhat traumatic initial experience that had pretty much defined one aspect of my life for many years.  After posting about it in detail, I guess my subconscious mind concluded that it didn't need to dwell on or remember it anymore.  And that is great!  I didn't even notice that it hadn't been on my mind for such a long time.  How does one know how much they have forgotten about?  I can think of a few other significant experiences I should post about on here, to help release them from the confines of my mind.  (Writing things down so I don't have to remember them.)  But I will get there, all in good time.  I am not usually someone who skips ahead, and when I do, I usually end up regretting it.

The Value of Giving Things Away

My mom had a variety of mobility assistance items, for people who have physical handicaps, which I had to sort through and get rid of this year.  That include a motorized scooter, walkers, and other accessories.  Her condition was not overly limiting, so the items were rarely used, and are practically brand new.  Most of them are quite pricey to acquire new, even though the cost to manufacture them can't be very high, but they have nearly zero resale value.

One reason for that could be the limited market for them, but there seems to be some other factor at play.  The resell value is so low, only because insurance will pay for new ones, for anyone who needs them.  (Private insurance in my Mom's case, and Medicare in the cases of most older people who need them.)  So no one is out actually buying these items, and with no competition between suppliers to attract the actual consumers of these products, the prices must be artificially inflated.  (Which I suspect is true of all of medical care at this point.)

But they are designed to be used by the disadvantaged, the widows, the lame, and the blind.  Biblically, those are the people who it is most important for us to help out and assist.  "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress."  (James 1:27a)

So I wanted to find a way to provide these items, which I have no use for, to people who really need them.  That ended up being much more challenging than I would have imagined.  I eventually was able to connect with someone who runs a support group for people with my Mom's specific disability, and even HE wasn't sure what to do with them.  But I figured he was much more likely to come across individuals who are in need of those types of things, so while they may not have found their way to help out new owners yet, I have given them to him to distribute.  He was pretty surprised that I was ready to give away things so valuable, especially to someone I didn't know, but I have no idea what else he thought I could otherwise do with them.

Maybe he will sell them on secret-black-market-for-medical-devices that I know nothing about, and pocket the proceeds.  Who knows?  But that is between him and God.  I did my part, and found the best conduit I could, to get them into the hands of people who really need them.  They sure weren't helping anyone out while collecting dust in my Mom's garage for a year.  The same could be said for a variety things God has provided in our lives, but is more extreme in this case, because of the lack of utility they provide to anyone else.  The "I might need that someday" line of thinking really doesn't apply, the way it could to say: a savings account.  Anyhow, that particular talent has been invested as well as I could, and the result of that is up to God, not me.  It always is, that fact just isn't always so clearly obvious.

Negotiating Purchases

For someone who frequently gets incredibly good deals when buying things, I am usually a terrible negotiator.  I used to estimate that I saved my company an average of $1000/day in purchase price discounts, for months before and after an office move.  We needed to buy a ton of equipment, and I was good at sourcing it cheaply.  My boss's specialty on the other hand, was in getting things for free, usually in exchange for feedback or joint PR.  That involved much more negotiating than the approach I took, but my deals were usually no strings attached, based entirely on comparing prices, and knowing where to look.  I built three editing facilities primarily out of parts I found on eBay.  But very little actual negotiating was involved in that whole process.  Most of the negotiating I did, was with our operations and finance officer, convincing him that I needed the funding, for things the company actually did need.

In my own personal finances, I am fairly thrifty as well, without being cheap.  My onne big extravagant “habit” is always having a nice laptop, but I usually get good discounts on those, and still no negotiating involved.  I usually attribute this to the idea that the only deals I bother pursuing or ones that are already so good, that they can't expect to be improved.  That assessment is probably fairly accurate.  My first three Craigslist purchases, I made half hearted attempts to knock down the price.  But all of them were already ridiculously, low as a prerequisite for me following up on them.  In two of those cases I had people with me, advising me on how to negotiate, but it was still a no-go.  And even without negotiating at all, I got great deals each time, on relatively large items.

So today was a new experience, starting with pursuing a deal that was merely good, instead of incredible.  And I had the right mindset going into it, being prepared to walk away.  Being in the process of rebuilding a house, I am buying a lot of things, and learning about them at the same time.  I found a matching set of high end kitchen appliances on Craigslist a while back, and since they were more expensive than I was originally planning, I wasn't sure whether to pursue them.  When they were still available two weeks later, and I was scheduled to drive within 10 miles of their location an hour away, I took that as a sign that they were worth looking into.  I had to learn a few things about high-end appliances in order to evaluate the deal, but that was good knowledge to acquire.  I ended up talking the price down from $1600 to $1250, which is not too bad, and makes what was previously a good deal into a great deal.  Now I just have to finish building the kitchen that I want to put them into.  And I still need to find incredible deals on a fridge, water heater, and washer & dryer.  Maybe I will even have to negotiate a bit more.

Feeling Pain and Pleasure

My body has taken a good bit of abuse recently, leading to experiencing pain in a variety of places.  Remodeling work takes a toll, from basic cuts and scratches on my hands, leading to wear gloves more, to banging my head enough times to prompt me to wear a helmet.  Spending three days doing plumbing and wiring in my attic was the worst, between the excessive heat, the fiberglass insulation getting everywhere, and maneuvers in tight spaces hurting my back.  Besides my gloves and helmet there where a variety of other pieces of gear I used to protect myself from pain, both immediately and in the future.  I had a respirator to protect my lungs from fiberglass, mold and asbestos, and goggles to protect my eyes and vision.

Regardless of all of those preparations, I have found myself in a lot of pain the last few days.  Pain is a strange phenomenon, in that it is a strongly negative sensation, contained entirely in our head.  It appears to come from other areas of our body, but in reality, it is just our brains giving us conscious warnings, based on signals it is receiving from those places.  Pain also doesn't need to have a physical source; it can be entirely emotional or spiritual.  One of the reasons the heart is associated with feelings, is that is the primary place people experience the sensation of pain, when their "wounds" are entirely emotional.

The actual sensation of pain is strange, in that it is hard to bear, even though it is just a feeling.  That is the whole reason it exists, as it provides the motivation for the reflex to protect our body.  Pain is usually perceived as a very bad thing, and while it is in a way, it serves an important warning system to prevent or minimize actual damage to our bodies.  Simple things like shifting our body weight are done subconsciously to avoid pain, but serve an important purpose.  Paralyzed people who have no feeling are not prompted to do that, and can wound themselves with there own bodies as a result.  Pain is a strongly negative sensation that serves as a motivation to action.

So that description of pain serves as a starting point for an examination of pleasure.  The concept of pleasure has been on my mind for a while, but I wasn't sure how to examine it in a post until I got the idea for this perspective:  Pain is the opposite of pleasure.  In the same way that certain things can feel "bad" to us, other things can feel "good" to us.  The broadest form I can think of is eating.  Eating can satisfy hunger, which can otherwise be a source of pain.  But eating can also be a true source of pleasure, based on flavor and texture.

Certain foods are more pleasurable to eat than others, depending on one's tastes. Frequently, it feels like the things that are the most pleasurable to eat, are the things that are the worst for our health.  Why would God set things up that way?  I believe that is an illusion in most cases, and that unless you are just eating Twinkies, most things are good for us in moderation.  It is only when that pleasure causes us to want to eat far too much of something, that it becomes unhealthy.  The other potential issue is eating far too much in general, but I suspect that lack of exercise probably plays a bigger role than excessive diet in most cases, at least in America, where the farthest anyone ever walks, is to their car.  Even fats and sugars are healthy for the human body, at least in limited quantities.  We would die without them.  They only get a bad reputation, because they tend to occupy a higher percentage of people's diets than they should.

The most extreme form of physical pleasure that I am aware of, is sexual pleasure.  Now this just as much "all in one's head" as pain is, if not more so.  But these sensations are strong enough to motivate people to do all sorts of crazy things, occasionally at great risk to themselves, in order to experience them.  And all for a "feeling" they experience for a few seconds, and then it is over.  There is no persistent result, requiring the experience to be repeated in order to feel it again.  The same is true for eating, which is what leads to that being a problem of excess for many people.

Pain on the other hand, is much more likely to be persistent, unless the source of the feeling is dealt with.  Imagine if pleasure operated more that way.  I don't know why it doesn't; maybe that is a result of the fall.  Life would probably be very different if pleasure was more frequently a persistent sensation.

Key People in the Inner Circle

My post on keys led me down a rabbit-trail about key "people," which I ended up putting off at the time.  I then happened to read CS Lewis's speech "The Inner Ring," which basically presented a similar idea to the one I was developing.  He focused primarily on the social dynamic of an "inner ring" developing in any large group situation, and discussed the ethics of the existence of that exclusive group, and the desire to be in it.  He also pointed out that because of that trend, the actual leaders in an organization may not be the ones at the top of the official hierarchy.  As someone who is less conscious of the social dynamics going on around him, the unofficial leadership part is the aspect I most related to.

A key can also be the most significant part of a larger whole or the foundation of something much bigger than itself.  The keystone is at the top of an arch, and the key to an idea, is the premise it is based on.  A key person fills an irreplaceable role in a group or organization.  The leader of an organization or the president of a company may not be the key person that makes it function successfully.  I am usually a key person where ever I am working, regardless of the fact that I am not usually technically the leader.  Frequently I am not even officially an employee, but my broad range of experience, understanding of logistical processes, and passion for maximizing efficiency, lead to rapidly finding myself in a key position, where ever I am working.

My uncle probably represents the pinnacle of the opposite approach.  He is a CEO, and therefore a technically the leader at whatever company he is working for.  But the leader of what?  That changes every year or two, which means he is technically a replaceable part.  Once he has made a few changes in direction that the board was looking for, he is on his way to another company.  Now don't get me wrong, he is "successful" and well compensated for his work for multi-million dollar publicly traded companies, but he does not become a "key person" in those organizations while he is there.  (Because the organization continues to function once he leaves, although he usually makes some "key changes.")

Firmly on the other end of the spectrum, any organization I have ever left, has taken a few tries to fill the role I has previously assumed, usually eventually with a team of people.  I do everything I can to make the transition as seamless as possible, but even with months of training, and hundred's of pages of documentation, no one can be expected to be able to operation and maintain a complex system better than the one who designed and created it.  I spent months transitioning out of the two positions I held at the university, and years transitioning out of my full-time job in Hollywood.

Similarly, my company has gone through many receptionists over the course of my time there, but one of those individuals became the office manager, and is still there.  The difference between her and all of the others, is that she managed to make herself an irreplaceable part of the organization, which led to a position that she is much happier with, and we all appreciate the role that she fills.  So now we are back to having a new face by the door every time I take a trip down south, leading me to need to introduce myself every time I show up at my own office.  And it is always amusing to observe the process as they figure out over the next few days, that I am a "key person" in the company, regardless of how little time I manage to spend there.

Collecting Favor

I am not exactly sure how “favor” works from a spiritual perspective, but I know it is a factor at work in our relationship with God.  It is much easier to see how favor affects practical interactions in the physical world.

I have a pretty good reputation for helping other people out, and it has been that way for a long time.  Back when I was in high school, by the time I graduated, nearly anyone in the school who I regularly interacted with owed me a favor, which I never really took advantage.  By my sophomore year of college, I was in the same situation, but over the next two years, most of those favors got cashed in to support the overly ambitious endeavors of one of my multimedia professors.  I don't think he really understood the full scope of the logistical details I took care of that way, until after I was gone.  On the other hand, in return, over the following seven years, he has sent his absolutely best students to come work for me, which is more significant than it may first appear.  (Good help is hard to find.)

Being a technology expert is helpful in that regard.  That can go two ways in a work environment: the IT guy can be the solution to everyone’s problems, or the source of them, by “implementing policy” to control end users, instead of supporting their needs.  I have always been one to find ways around problems, even if it bends the policy rules on occasion.  But while I am well liked in my office, the favor does not accumulate the same way in my work environment.

Outside the office, since graduating, I have helped more than my share of people move, because no one else in LA drives a full sized truck around.  I will probably never see some of those people again, but that is okay.  I wasn't helping them in order to get something back in return, but if I someday do, I am not going to feel guilty about it.

Now that I have recently become a home owner, many of the favors I have done in the last few years are beginning to be returned, which has been great.  I don't think I have spent a whole day working on my house alone yet, and have hardly had to pay anyone for their assistance.  I will start to do so pretty soon, as we get more involved with installations requiring skilled labor, but so far, it has been a very budget friendly endeavor.

With a recent issue disabling my truck, my family has been very supportive in solving that problem, to the tune of alternate vehicle use, space and tools to work on it, and hopefully, assistance in finishing solving the problem with a fairly major repair.  It definitely is bringing into balance a scale that has been severely lopsided for quite a while.

It is very helpful to have favor from others when you really need it.  I haven't felt that in quite a while, possibly just because as a fairly independent person, I haven't really needed and practical support in quite a while.  Emotional support is a little harder to come by, and isn't directly exchangeable.  But fortunately God has recently favored me with the right people being available at the right times, to repay those favors.

To Have a Key

Keys are interesting, in that a small key can grant access to a large space.  The book of James talks about small rudders steering large ships, in comparison to the human tongue, and keys can be similar.  They are also a symbol of control for the item they represent.  Parents may give their teenager the keys to the car, granting them a new degree of freedom. Something similar is at work if you are given keys by your employer.  The opposite of that, would be a key card, which says: “we are going to track every time you enter and leave, and count the Post-It notes after you’re gone.

A relationship threshold is reached when you give someone a key to your house.  It represents a significant level of trust and openness.  It means they don't necessarily have to knock before entering.  My travels lead me to trust my property and belongings to others on a frequent occasion, for maintenance and safekeeping.

Getting the keys is usually the last step in buying a house, representing the act of turning over the property, more so than re-deeding it does.  That step was skipped in my recent purchase, which was a bit inconvenient.   But I am a resourceful guy, in possession of  a cordless grinder for cutting steel cables in trees, so that was re-purposed to gain access to various locked doors on my new property.  The result was, that I had to replace all of the exterior locks and door handles, but because I had damaged them, but because even once I had gotten in, I still didn't have keys available to re-lock them.  So now I have a collection of keys, some of which open multiple doors, which I will distribute to different people in my family and such.

The Value of Work

People like to say that "time equals money," which I would argue is more true in the reverse.  Time is the fundamental unit being measured; money is just a way of representing it.  But the bigger question is: what should the exchange rate be?  That depends on who is willing to pay you, to do what.  I have been fortunately enough to have more work available to me than I am able to or willing to do, so it is fairly simple to establish a value for my time.  I have to calculate the time consumed when doing something for the purpose of saving money, because I could have been working instead.  This is especially significant for tasks I could hire someone else to do for me. (As opposed to things I have to do for myself, like sleeping.)  Unless I enjoy doing a particular task, it would probably be cheaper in the long run to be working instead.

If one is having trouble finding people willing to pay them for their time, it is a bit more complicated.  Time "wasted" on tasks couldn't necessarily have been converted to revenue, so it makes more sense to do things for yourself.  Some people are limited to 40 hour weeks, or even fewer based on when their employer schedules them.  Entrepreneurs are at the mercy of their potential customers, as far as how much money they have the opportunity to earn.  Anytime they can spend saving money on their expenses, is less money they have to find a way to earn.  “A penny saved is a penny earned,” but how long does it take to earn it?

In the process of rebuilding my house, I will probably "make money," in that if I sell it when I am finished, I will probably get more back than all of the money I spent on it combined.  But if I factor in the amount of time I will have spent on it, compared to how much I would have made spending that time at "work," I will most certainly come out behind.  But I will have spent that time in NorCal, doing something new and exciting, and learning all sorts of new things.  So how much is that worth to me?  And it is also nice to have something tangible to show for your work at the end of a long hard day.  It is easy to see the progress we have been making on the house.

I also have many people helping me on various aspects of that project.  (At least seven this week)  Figuring out the value of their assistance is an interesting challenge.  Some people are helping me based purely on our existing relationships, while others specifically owe me a favor.  One will be trading his construction time for my video editing time.  Others are being given things, or opportunities, in return for their support in this process.  Eventually I might even have to pay someone.  But the barter economy is an interesting process to be a part of, and we all are, whether we are conscious of it or not. (Unless you are by yourself on a deserted island.)  Those other people all have to figure out how to value their time, but in a way that others are willing to accept.  So how much is your time worth to you?

Life is Getting too Complicated

In America, we have made everything so complicated, that we are suffocating growth and progress.  I am just finishing the process of buying a house.  The amount of paperwork required for that process is absolutely ridiculous.  There are hundreds of pages of documents to fill out, disclosures to read, and releases to sign.  All this administrative work requires the employment and oversight of real estate agents, title companies, appraisers, bankers, loan officers, insurance agents, accountants, lawyers, clerks, and a variety of other positions.  A hundred years ago, buying a house probably involved paying a couple hundred dollars, and signing a deed.  We have added way too many steps since then.

I didn't even get a mortgage, but if I had, there would have been even more paperwork.  Just the initial pre-approval required me to submit hundreds of pages of information.  That is all tied to one's taxes, which is a whole separate over-complicated process.  I had a 133 page tax return last year, and that is not counting state forms.  It will probably be even longer this year, since I will now be a first time home buyer as well.

It is said that the only people who can get loans are those who don't need them.  It turns out that even those of us who don't need them can't get a loan, courtesy of all the new government regulations.  And the Federal Reserve is competing for that money, with federal guarantees, so what bank wants to loan money to John Doe, with all the paperwork and labor required, when they can get just as good a return on their funds by leaving them deposited in the Reserve.  One more step in the wrong direction, in the name of helping the economy.

I have this theory, that no one actually comprehends numbers over $1million dollars.  Showing the average person an article about $50Million dollars in government waste or debt, will get no different reaction than one describing $50Billion dollars.  And now that we are in the trillions, no one can even tell the difference.  Our nation's problems are so removed from the average American's comprehension, let alone awareness, with everything virtualized and aggregated to a scale that can no longer be intuitively related to.

Similarly, we are about to see the medical world make a serious change, compelled by the government.  In the last four years, my monthly premium has nearly tripled, and my deductible has doubled, with no improvements to my actual coverage or benefits.  My plan, where people take some level of responsibility for their own health, is one now prohibited by the government, unless you are grandfathered in.  And if I was to add my wife to that plan in the future, the monthly cost would triple for some reason.  So guess who isn't going to hear about me getting married?  I will insure my wife independently if necessary.  But all of the proposed changes to the system don't improve or affect actual healthcare, it only affects who will pay for it, and how much.  And don't forget of course, the added paperwork.

So what should we do about this disturbing trend?  Well we could complain to the government, which would probably involve filling out some more paperwork.  Moving to a third world country looks more tempting every time I turn on the national news.  There are problems there too, but they are less complicated, and easier to understand.