Last winter I reconnected with someone I had worked with seven years before. I had previously been in a position of informal leadership over them, before life took us separate ways. He resurfaced in way that clearly seemed to be God's timing, during a series of other events that I interpreted as His leading me a certain direction, and we began working together, very informally, from across the country.
A few months later, I suddenly stopped hearing from him entirely. I later learned that was because he had gotten himself into some pretty serious trouble. From the info I have been able to find, he clearly made a few bad decisions and showed poor judgement, but it seems likely his actions may not have warranted the string of consequences he was potentially facing. All of the charges against him were dropped a few weeks later, so there will probably be no more legal ramifications, but the publicity has wreaked havoc on his credibility and reputation, as well as his nearly completed graduate degree. It is a pretty rough situation for him, and many people are probably running the other way, "out of an abundance of caution."
At Men's Bible Study this morning we were discussing how the church is as guilty of this phenomenon as any other entity, if not more so, even though we preach about grace and forgiveness. Personally, I am a bit removed from the situation, with only a couple people we both know, mostly indirectly. So while the truth does matter, as always, I have few details, and little way of verifying any of them, and the past incident may not be as significant as his reaction to it. Whatever the truth of the past may be, as long as he is repentant, and wants to change, I am open to continuing to work with him, which I believe is the right attitude to have. The practicality of making that happen is a different matter entirely.
While it would theoretically be possible to resume communication with him, and never even mention or acknowledge the incident and aftermath, that doesn't seem like a very healthy approach for anyone involved. But initiating a conversation about the recent events, that I know little of the true details about, is quite challenging. I want to bring the issue up, without being dismissive of or insensitive to what he has gone through in the aftermath. I want to communicate that I have heard certain things, so I am not totally in the dark, without making assumptions or judgments about the incident itself until I hear his side of the story. And I want to open the path towards resuming our relationship, while still setting boundaries while I learn more about where he is at, and what effect these events have had on him. So that email draft has been bouncing around for a while, both in my head and now onscreen. A textbook example of the significance of articulate and sensitive diplomacy, and a test case for reconciliation and rebuilding. But it ain't easy, and who knows how it will be received.
