I have never been one to feel particularly confident in hearing the voice of God. I recognize after the fact, because hindsight is 20/20, but in the moment, I hear him, but wonder which part of the message is from him, and which parts my mind may have added. When he provides solutions to complex problems, all at once, after I have been puzzling over them for a long time, it is easier for me to see. The two examples that come to mind are my return to summer camp in 2007, and the recent surprise party for my wife. In both cases, I had been pondering a variety of options, to fairly open ended questions, without much progress, when a wild idea occurred to me that allowed everything I needed to fit into place nicely, if it all went according to plan. And then it did, hence the 20/20 hindsight again. Similarly, I felt led to reach out to the people at The Chosen last year, specifically about supporting the technology for Theatrical releases. I thought I must have heard God wrong, because the only way I could envision them doing a theatrical release would be a condensed version of the show once it was farther along, similar to Son of Man being a trimmed down version of History Channel's The Bible mini-series. So I made my communications more open ended and generic, offering support with technical issues and workflow, which landed me on their "resource list" and nothing else. At the time I figured I had done my part, if that had really been God's prompting, but when Christmas with The Chosen hit theaters at the end of the year, it confirmed my interpretation of what God was asking of me, even though I may not have obeyed exactly as he intended.
Sometimes it is easier to discern God at work situationally, by the opportunities he provides us, and the doors that get opened. My career has primarily been navigated by stepping through doors I find opening in front of me, instead of following some master plan that I had from the beginning. That is true of my multimedia classes and high school and college, my internships, and my first jobs. I did pursue them, once they were in front of me, but didn't necessarily go seeking them out, and didn't envision them before they were right in front of me. In a sense, I have been leaving my career growth on the back burner for the last few years, trying to make money as efficiently as possible, to need to spend the least amount of time on paid work, to focus more on family and ministry. But recently I have been feeling led to use my media and technology talents in much more directly ministry applicable ways, and the Chosen, or similar Christian productions seems like the best way to do that. But the how isn't as clear.
I spent my 20's focused on getting married and starting a family. I have accomplished that, and it didn't come about in quite the way that I expected. Most of the things I did on my own towards that end did not work out, and things I initiated always failed. Knocking on doors has rarely gotten me anywhere. My marriage only came about because God opened certain doors in front of me, and I was willing to step through them. But I have been coasting a bit in my 30's since then, and now I feel God prompting me to do something, that I do not see doors opening for. So maybe I am supposed to start knocking on doors. But it is not clear which ones, how hard, or when. And my previous experiences probably give me an unconscious hesitation to do so. I believe it isn't that I fear rejection so much as I am afraid of doing it wrong, and spoiling a good opportunity. I suppose if I had stronger faith that this is what God wanted me to do, I would have less concern about that, and if I was better at listening to God, maybe I would have a better idea how he wants me to go about doing it. But for the moment, I just intend to keep trying, one way or another, and we will see what God is trying to teach me. Similar to the getting married thing, if it doesn't work out, it won't be from lack of trying.
