The Appearance of Shame

I came across an interesting quote in C.S.Lewis’s epic novel Til We Have Faces: “Don't you think the things people are most ashamed of are the things they can't help?”  It is said by a character in regards to her appearance, but implied to apply elsewhere.  Being a rather logical person, I don't think this principle affects me as much as others, but I see it at work in the lives of those around me.

I am lucky enough to be blessed with a relatively healthy body and a sound mind, so I am reasonably strong and fit, and can see and hear well.  I have a good memory and can think fast.  I am disciplined and perseverant in most aspects of life.  Being without any significant defect or disadvantage, it could be argued that I am not qualified to discuss shame.  In reality, there are things about myself that I am ashamed of, but they are things that (I am at least under the illusion that) I have control over.  If I didn't believe I had control over them, I would simply dismiss them as "just the way God made me."  But I admittedly don't struggle with any issues that are easily visible to others, and directly impact my outward image (Besides my obvious lack of any fashion sense, but I can joke about that without shame, so I don't think that qualifies).

That idea of shame ties in strongly with the idea I discussed previously, about people being comfortable with who they are, and their appearance.  Not being comfortable with their outward appearance causes people try to change it, either to hide whatever aspect they are ashamed of, or to distract from it.  Once again, I do nothing to alter my appearance, because I am totally comfortable with how I look.  I am not arrogant enough to think I look particularly spectacular, but I recognized that I naturally look a certain way, and I am not going to try to change that.  In my opinion, most of the changes that people make to deliberately alter there appearance aren't necessarily improvements.  I am convinced that most of the benefits of those changes are entirely in their heads.

For example, as a nice little illustration of that, think about certain people's approach to wearing glasses.  Glasses can have a fairly dramatic effect on one's physical appearance.  And while glasses do imply a defect in one's vision, with 75% of people requiring some level of correction, that isn't the aspect that most people are self conscious about, as opposed to the effect on their appearance.  Some people never take their glasses off, and feel very vulnerable without them.  Besides improving their vision, it also gives them something to hide behind, from a psychological perspective.  Other people avoid being seen wearing their glasses at all, basically feeling the opposite way.  That basically goes to show that it is primarily an internal subjective feeling, as opposed to an objective reality about looking better or worse.  But I believe most things related to outward appearance are that way.  The end result is that some people are ashamed (or at least self conscious) to be seen wearing glasses, while others seem to feel naked without them.  Either way, they can’t help the fact that their vision needs some form of correction.  The only difference between these two reactions to that problem is in the minds of the people involved, and their perception of their own identity.  I find myself noticing when things like that happen, because I am always trying to look past the veil of the public image that people are deliberately projecting of themselves.  Depending on the person, that view can come from seeing someone take their glasses off, or by someone else putting theirs on.