"I've heard that guys really like seeing their girls in ways that other people don't get to see her, like without makeup, or in pajamas." This is an interesting statement I heard recently, which I can definitely relate too. Those types of situations have a certain level of intimacy to them. This ties in well with another statement a friend of mine made the other day. "Most girls these days aren't comfortable with who they are. They are concerned with how people think of them." Much of what we see of people around us in daily life is the image that they are projecting. And people who aren't comfortable with who they are, try to distract others with makeup, jewelry, died hair, tattoos, and a variety of other artificial changes to their appearance. I welcome any window past all of that surface stuff, to more clearly see the individual person underneath all of that.
I usually feel much more trusting of, or connected with, people who don't appear to be as concerned with artificially controlling their appearance or image. I recognize that is inherently still based on appearance being projected, but it is usually less artificial, and therefore seems more natural or authentic. If I come across someone with green hair, dark eye shadow, and a bunch of tattoos, I am going to jump to the conclusion that they are hiding something behind all of that. In reality, it is possible for the "normal looking" person right behind them to have even more issues, so it is by no means a foolproof assessment. But it does accurately identify that they care about manipulating their outward appearance enough to pay for tattoos, and take the time and energy to die their hair and such. That is a very different approach towards appearance than I take, and therefore, at the very least, we have very different values in that specific regard. Being different is not bad, but definitely a barrier to trust in my case.
A while back, I was visiting a friend, and when I showed up that morning, she came to the door without any makeup, wearing a pair of oversized glasses, and a bright red, one piece pajama suit with built-in fluffy slippers. I don't normally pay much attention to what other people are wearing, but that outfit didn't escape my notice. She invited me in and we talked for a little while before she excused herself to go get dressed. She emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later in shorts and a tank top, with her contacts in, all made up and ready to go out. The transition was a pretty stark contrast from a few minutes before, and while that is not a bad thing, I did consciously appreciate the fact that she trusted me enough to give me a view past the image she creates for public consumption. And I respect her lack of self consciousness about that contrast, being relaxed enough with who she is, to be seen either way. When someone is not comfortable being seen at all in their most natural state, I think that is an identity problem.
So seeing someone "in ways that other people don't get to see her" can have an impact on my perception of them, because I very consciously value a view past any artificial public facade. I tend to trust people more once I have seen past anything that is obviously artificial about their appearance. I'd like to think that I don't let myself be too influenced by people's outward appearance, but I have come to recognize that while it doesn't usually have the stereotypical effect on me, appearance does greatly effect my perception of someone. Does that cause me to rethink my approach to my own outward appearance? Nope, not at all. I do next to nothing to alter how I look, so whatever people see when they look at me, is the natural result of being me. And I am comfortable with that, which seems like a fairly rare position to take.
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