Physical Contact versus Showing Affection

Affection is an interesting concept to think about.  Defined as the physical expression of fondness or liking, I want to focus on the physical aspect of it.  But I also want to separate it from sexual intimacy, which would definitely qualify as a form of affection, but it is a big enough topic to be handled separately in the future.

It really comes down to physical contact between two people, whether is a big hug, of just sitting close to each other on the couch.  I have always been very conscious of people touching me in any form, and usually uncomfortable with that happening with anyone I don't really trust.  I also feel totally different about having that level of interaction with girls versus other guys.  I don't think it is necessarily homophobia.  It is more like I am sensitive to all contact, and deliberately drop my guard more in regards to female contact, because I hope to someday be able to have totally relaxed affectionate relationship with my wife, so I am going to need to "get used to" it.

Kissing is a form of affection that is borderline sexual from my perspective, but people don't seem to think twice about it in Europe.  It is only about one step beyond shaking hands in some cultures, and barred outside of marriage in others.  There is no arguing that it can be a powerful expression of affection.  The only form of kissing that could be considered simply physical contact, devoid of emotional affection, would be a stage kiss between performers, but I have trouble wrapping my mind around that.

Massages are interesting, in that they involve physical touch, but don't necessarily have to express fondness or liking.  Depending on the situation, it can be a purely physical thing, or it can be an expression of true affection.  The existence of massage chairs illustrates that it is possible for a massage can be totally devoid of emotional affection.

Gender plays a huge role in the expression of affection.  It wouldn't be too far off to say that as a whole, females are much more affectionate than guys, in regards to both giving and receiving affection.  This is easiest seen when watching how girls interact with each other, versus when guys interact with each other.  Much more touch, and much more affection with females.  Most male physical contact will be borderline violent, what is why friends go out and play football or basketball together.  When they hug or shake hands, it is usually with enough strength to be just short of inflicting pain.  Girls on the other hand, will frequently be all cuddled together on the couch under a single blanket.

Hitting someone can be a sarcastic way of expressing affection, and while this is primarily associated with guys, girls do it too on occasion.  Of course that taken to an extreme becomes physical abuse, but it can be seen to fall along a continuum, as opposed to being unrelated to affection.  Dad's rough-housing with their kids would qualify as showing affection well.

Physical touch and affection play an important role in building conections between people, but it is much more meaningful to some people than others, and people's boundaries in that regard vary greatly.  Because of this, most large companies and agencies have policies prohibiting all forms of physical touch between their employees.  These policies set behavior habits that continue outside the workplace, and can result in people being less connected to those around them.