I have just watched an interesting series of TED talks by Brené Brown. She studies vulnerability, which seems like a pretty esoteric job, but she makes some interesting points, that I can relate to. This has provided an unexpected segue from my recent topic of privacy, to the next set I have been preparing.
The opposite of privacy is vulnerability. Privacy is keeping people out of our lives, while vulnerability is letting them in. Keeping people out, to prevent them from hurting us, also prevents them from helping us. Letting them in is to risk rejection, but the potential rewards are great. The only way we are going to develop deep connections with other people, is by being willing to let them in, to reveal our true selves, and be vulnerable to them. This desire for deep connection with others is part of how God designed us as humans, to connect both with him and each other. So what makes it so difficult to let ourselves feel vulnerable? It would appear to be shame that hinders the process. Shame gives us a fear of disconnection from others, based on judgment of our own imperfections and weaknesses.
"Vulnerability is not weakness…it is our most accurate measurement of courage." (Brené Brown) Being vulnerable requires courage, and won't exist without it. While external situations can weaken us, they cannot force us to be vulnerable against our will. The alternative of building up walls is always an available reaction to situations where we find ourselves in a position of weakness. Those walls eventually imprison us, cutting us off from connecting with those around us. The only way to counter these walls built of fear and shame is to allow ourselves to be vulnerable.
Vulnerability comes in many forms. Some forms are obvious, like the process of pursuing romantic relationships, while others are more subtle, like sharing creative ideas at work. I have a very interesting track record in that regard, being well known in my industry for my technical innovation and expertise, I still shy away from offering my opinion on "creative" issues. The value of what I say in the technical realm is measured against how true it turns out to be. The value of what I say in the realm of creative ideas is measured against how much other people like my ideas. You have to be willing to be wrong in order to venture into the creative realm. While it is possible to be wrong about technical issues, the smarter and more experienced you are, the less that will happen. With creative issues, not everyone is going to like your ideas, no matter how "good" they are. So you have to be prepared to accept criticism if you are going to step into that realm. Being prepared to accept criticism is clearly a manifestation of vulnerability, and I am aware that I steer well clear of offering creative ideas, and for that reason.
Being willing to try new things requires vulnerability as well. We run the risk of discomfort or failure whenever we try something new. If we are unwilling to accept that risk, we will never be able to grow or change. Being willing to step out of our comfort zone is a prerequisite for growth, but that requires a willingness to be vulnerable. So if allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is instrumental to our growth, how do we do that? I am sure there are many answers, but being more open with others is a good first step. And how does one go about doing that, when it can be so uncomfortable? One deliberate way is to let others see our thoughts and feelings, which is what I have been trying to do on here.
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