Identity in our Final Resting Place

I just finished the last of the arrangements for my mother's final resting place.  It was her desire to have her ashes interned in a wall niche.  The interesting thing here is that those niches are designed to contain the remains of two people.  So there is this open ended question of "who will go in there with her?"  The obvious choice in most cases would be one's spouse.  But regardless of the fact that my parents happen to be divorced, how would remarriage of the surviving spouse effect that situation?

If my Dad re-married, he would presumably end up being buried or interned with his second wife.  If he doesn't, he will probably end up next to my Mom, which is not unreasonable, since they were on good terms.  Another possible candidate would be my uncle, who is my mom's younger brother, and unmarried.  These are really strange and awkward conversations to be having with the rest of my family, especially since most of them took place at a very stressful time.  But it really hit home when someone suggested that my brother, or worse-myself, could end up in there with my Mom.  Now I don't think very fondly of death as it is, but the possibility that I could die before I get the chance to get married, is extra troubling.  There are a variety of other things that I would like to do before I die, but that is the key one, as an identity thing.

This has got to be much more of a reality for the guys I know in the military, since they run the risk of being killed in action.  If so, their spouses are statistically likely to remarry, since they are still in their 20s and 30s.  The difference here is that the deceased member may be in a military cemetery, since they were killed in action.  Basically their identity and legacy will be more closely linked to their service than their family.

Now if I was to die after getting married, how would I feel about my wife getting remarried?  Since I obviously would love her, I would want her to be happy, and not to be alone, I would be in favor of that, but there is one aspect that I have trouble with.  It is the identity thing, and while it is selfish, a part of me would want her to always be "my" wife, even though that is completely irrational.  I don't get to "keep" her once we are in heaven together anyway, Jesus made that pretty clear.  So while it is hard to accept the inevitability of that marriage bond breaking, God only designed it to last until death.  Which adds an interesting perspective to the idea of "Here lies Mr & Mrs. John Smith" since technically, they aren't married anymore.

So what that leaves us with is that the next person in my family to pass away will probably end up sharing that niche with my Mom, unless they specifically request something contrary to that.  Even though the secondary ramifications of this request are a bit awkward, I won't hesitate to admit: I just pray that it doesn't end up being me.