Certain obvious observations haven't been as clear to me recently, as noted in my last post. I had a few interesting things occur to me today, in regards to the previous week. When I was sitting in bed this morning, it suddenly dawned on me just how much easier this process would be if I was married. There are so many things that would be different if I wasn't dealing with it alone.
For one, I would have a constant listening ear to talk to, to help process what is doing on at an emotional level. Instead I have to work hard to make sure I find an opportunity to do that at least once a day. There aren't very many people I trust enough to talk openly with, and while they try to make themselves available, the logistics usually make that challenging. And while tools like Skype make it easier to communicate at a certain level, its not like someone is going to reach through the screen and give me a digital hug.
I don't know how it works, but there is definitely a difference between talking to a guy, and talking to a girl, about emotional issues. There is a certain comforting factor that seems to be unique to females, presumably because they are more "sensitive." I assume that is similar for girls, in that they frequently go to their other female friends for consolation in many cases, instead of their boyfriend or husband (but not always).
If married, I would have someone around constantly, so that I wouldn't be physically alone so frequently. I have had people who accompanied me for certain tasks recently, even though they were of no potential practical assistance, just to have someone around for moral support. I didn't fully appreciate the value of that until after they had left, and I had to continue the process on my own.
Even at a basic practical level, it would probably be health to have someone looking out for me, pointing out that I hadn't eaten in 36 hours, or that I need to go to bed, etc. While I am capable of pulling my own weight, I wouldn't feel too guilty about letting them do the cooking and laundry for the time being.
And let's be honest, relieving a little tension and relaxing every once in a while is probably healthy when dealing with serious emotional stress. But the cost of that level of support from someone, is that you also have to be available to do the same for them when they need it. I have no problem doing that, at least in theory, as that is part of what sharing the load is all about. "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'" (Genesis 2:18)
So I had that idea running around in the back of my head for most of the day, and it wasn't until I was driving back home late at night that an opposite observation occurred to me. It suddenly dawned on me just how much harder this process would be if I was working full-time. Having to balance the funeral and estate issues, with my own work and financial concerns, would make it far more difficult. My brother has taken some time off from his job, but the rest of my family doesn't even have to deal with that side of things. Besides deferring my big trip, which costs me nothing, I have no other outside distractions that I can't ignore for a few weeks. This will be helpful for sorting through things both practically and emotionally.
So while God appears to have withheld certain blessings for the time being, he has provided others, to help keep me on an even keel. The degree to which some of those things have been provided by God is only beginning to sink in over the last 48 hours, and will be explored on here further in the near future.
No comments:
Post a Comment