For a long time I have had trouble with the concept of applying what I know about the relationship of marriage, to how I relate to God. Not having directly experienced marriage yet is the first obstacle, but I have observed other marriages, so that is a starting point. Then there is the issue of gender, with mankind inferred as fulfilling the female role of marriage with God, which makes my masculine side uncomfortable. But there is much that does make sense for them to have in common. Both are a serious commitment or covenant, as a result of persistent pursuit by both parties, involving trust, fidelity, and perseverant self-sacrifice. As for the gender roles, there is the expectation that God will "take care of us" and protect us, and that we can count on him.
Until recently, it hadn’t even occurred to me to view that connection between those two relationships from the other direction. What can I learn about marriage from my relationship with God? From a bird's eye view of the Bible, I see it describing our relationship with God as something that grows over time, rarely all at once. We see this, among other ways, in the analogies that are used to describe that relationship, which include progressively increasing levels of intimacy. We as the clay, and God as the potter, describes a relationship where the two elements have a common goal, but little more connection. There is a stronger connection between a shepherd and his sheep, with the shepherd caring for them, and the sheep actively following him. A servant and master have a stronger connection still, but not the intimacy, that you would see with a Father and his children, where there should be deep love and affection running both directions. But God takes it even farther, using the bride and bridegroom illustration, which is clearly the deepest form of intimacy that we can experience during out human lives.
The same things apply to marriage, in a variety of ways. It is obviously a serious commitment should not be undertaken lightly, so it is generally accepted that it is unwise to marry someone you just met. I know someone who got engaged within two weeks of meeting their fiancé, a situation of great concern to everyone who knew them. But this idea of progressive levels of intimacy can be taken much further. I would go as far as to say that it appears ideal to go through progressive stages of intimacy (acquaintances, friends, dating/courting, engaged, and married) in a slow and deliberate fashion. Many people try to start new relationships at the dating stage, while others have no interest in progressing past that point.
Trust is built one step at a time, and there are few shortcuts. Even knowing someone as an acquaintance before you really become friends teaches you something important about a person: how do they treat people they don't know very well? That is something you will never again have an outside perspective on. It is an accepted idea that we tend to be more forgiving of people that we are more intimately associated with, which is an important component to justice at an academic level. But on a practical level, it also makes us blind to their patterns and tendencies.
It should be obvious that I am not a big fan of the idea of “love at first sight.” All of the girls I have ever been seriously attracted to, (to the point of action) were all people I didn’t even take notice of initially. It was only later, after I got to know them more, that I started seeing them in a different way. Possibly because of that trend, the idea of looking for someone to marry seems foreign to me. I am not just going to up and meet the perfect person for me to marry; and even if I did, how would I know? The fact that I am always slow to develop relationships with other people is probably a significant factor in this perspective, but I believe it to be true beyond that limitation in my life.
I do not usually consciously value first impressions as much as I should (seeing a first impression as the first year that I know someone) but I know early stages of a relationship are an important part of building a strong foundation. Intimacy is an important aspect of a marriage, but developing that takes many progressive steps, as trust is built over time. It is the same with our relationship with God.
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