Thursday, January 26, 2012

The Biblical Relationship between Sex and Marriage

Most of the Bible's references to the link between sex and marriage are indirect, assuming that the link is familiar to the reader, without ever directly spelling it out.  I am not trying to disagree with that perspective, but to learn about God's intent for that both sex and marriage by exploring the link between the two.

I have a pretty clear idea of what sex is, although I don't really understand why I find it so desirable, nor why God created it that way.  On the other hand it makes perfect sense to me why marriage is desirable, and why God created it: "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:18)  But it is less clear what exactly marriage is, and is our modern implementation of it what God intended?  And how does that relate to sexual intimacy?

There are obvious and clear consequences, both physical and psychological, of sexual intimacy.  The possibilities of pregnancy at an inconvenient time, as well as the issue of STDs are physical risks.  The psychological consequences are the bonds formed by sex, which some people refer to as "soul-ties," as well as the potential feelings of guilt and regret.  Sex clearly has an impact on the relationship between the participants.

From a purely logical perspective, marriage lowers those risks.  It is difficult for two virgins to contract an STD from each other.  Marriage (ideally) provides a stable environment for potentially raising a child.  The level of commitment between the involved parties should overcome any potential psychological changes to their relationship.  So it is not illogical to link sex with marriage, but there is a big difference between something being imprudent or risky, and it being morally wrong.

What other aspect of Biblical morality changes so much depending on the context?  Imagine a man and woman in a room together, and they are having sex. (Don't get too carried away;)  What they are doing is either very wrong or very right, but the only differentiating point is this thing marriage.  Did Adam and Eve get married?  What is marriage really?  At a certain level, marriage is a covenant commitment.  It is also a legal status, an event in time, an extension of a family, and a physical illustration of a spiritual reality.  What aspect of marriage is the part that suddenly makes sexual intimacy morally acceptable?

One more complication is that the Bible clearly allows for men to have multiple wives.  If we are to view marriage as an illustration of how our relationship with God is supposed to look, (as the bride of Christ) this is a one-to-many type relationship as well.  Now I have no interest in having more than one wife, but the concept of being married to more than one person definitely challenges my modern conception of what marriage is supposed to be (Finding my other half).  Biblically, the reason why sex is linked to marriage may have more to do with the fact that women needed men to commit to protect and provide for them (and the children that sex produced), as opposed to some overly spiritualized magical effect of marriage on the relationship. (see Deuteronomy 25:5)

One result of this link is that desire for sexual intimacy becomes a motivation for marriage.  I can see both good and bad sides to this.  If we assume that the differences between males and females make them ideally suited to help each other in pairs, and therefore marriage is inherently beneficial to them, then factors encouraging marriage are good.  But there is more to marriage than just sex, so strong sexual urges could lead to marriage for the wrong reasons, which would be a negative effect.

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