Helping People

God clearly calls us to help other people, both through what is written in the Bible, and the way that we humans are wired to interact with one another.  But that isn't always as simple as it may seem.  Sometimes the things that we do in an attempt to assist someone, actually put them in a worse position in the long run.  For example, giving money to a drug addict feeds his habit.  You don’t want to be in the position of enabling someone’s bad habit.

Some problems in life can be solved by writing a big enough check, and others can not.  I find it amusing whenever someone who is used to throwing money at problems finds one they can't solve with that approach.  This happens a lot in Hollywood, where producers think they can do whatever they want. ("This idea is physically impossible."  "Okay, but tell me, how much do you think it would cost to make it work.")  Never make the mistake of assuming that a given problem can be solved by writing a big enough check, although that may be all that is missing in some cases.  In situations where that won’t solve the root problem, adding money to the equation only makes things worse.

The world is full of people with all sorts of different issues.  Sometimes the issues are quite obvious, and other people can help them overcome them.  Others are beneath the surface, and only the resulting symptoms are visible.  Alleviating those outward symptoms only prolongs the problem, since it removes the incentive to confront and deal with the root issues.  I have been very conscious of something I learned from a relationship a couple years ago.  "You can't help someone if they don't want to be helped."  Until someone is in a place where they are ready to make a change in their life, any assistance you try to render them, and will be viewed (somewhat accurately) as an attempt to control them.

My more recent epiphany takes that idea a step farther.  “You can't protect someone from themself,” and to try will only make things worse.  Some situations happen to people, by no fault of their own.  Other situations people find themselves in as a result of their own decisions.  People need to face the consequences of the decisions they have made, or they will never grow.  Now if the consequences of their decision would preclude growth,  (i.e. their mistake might get them killed) then it is right to intervene.  But if someone quits their job, it is okay for them to have to make some financial sacrifices as a result of that decision.  If they destroy a relationship, they are going to have to take the initiative to rebuild it.

Some people have a strong subconscious urge to flee conflict in any form.  It can be really hard to solve that problem, because anyone else who recognizes that pattern will be afraid to confront them about it.  And if they do, the other party will just flee, further perpetuating the problem, and preventing them from overcoming it.  As noted earlier, until they desire to change that, not much can be done to help them.