Online Dating

My initial reaction to the idea of online dating is: "that is the definition of desperate."  At first glance, it would appear to be right up my alley, as a technically literate individual who best expresses himself in writing.  But I am not too good at meeting new people and getting to know them, which is all that online dating really is.  The only two girls I have ever "dated," I had been friends with long before then.  I definitely prefer that approach, both philosophically and practically.  So then how does online dating end up being the topic of conversation?  My two forays into the world of online dating were initiated for other reasons, or at least  that is how I justify that experimentation.

My first exploration of online dating options started by reading a very interesting blog called OKTrends that was getting attention for publishing some surprising findings.  By combining advanced statistical methods, good data visualization, and a giant dataset, and some true creativity, the author was coming up with quantifiable descriptions of romantic relationships.  Being a guy who likes to break most of life down into logical equations, I was intrigued.  I think this post is my favorite, specifically Rule #3, vindication at last!  Anyhow, he was coming up with some interesting conclusions, so I investigated where he was getting his source data.  He was one of the founders of OKCupid.com, so I signed up, primarily to see how he was extracting all of this information from people.  I answered a lot of interesting questions, which provoked a lot of new thoughts and ideas in the process.  As someone who is always trying to better understand relationships, we will chalk that one up as a success in that regard.

Now I never really had the intention of "dating" people on there, and only every directly communicated with two or three other users.  OKC is very open, and similar to Facebook in many ways, but with a deliberate focus on developing romantic relationships.  It aims to present people as they really are, and you decide if you think they meet your needs.  Browsing through there I learned a lot about what people (presumably) really think about things, and the wide spectrum of values and principles that people hold.

After reading some relationship book a while back, my Mom has been after me to check out eHarmony.com, because of their "29 Dimensions of Compatibility" and other such claims.  I put that off for about a year now, but...it rained a lot last week.  I had some time on my hands, so I figured: "Why not?  What will it hurt?"  Well unlike OKC, most of the "dating" features cost money, and more than I would have guessed, to access.  So I took the free "personality test" that my mom was all excited about, and learned that I am: "curious, steady, focused, reserved, and take care of others and myself."  With that amazing bit of insight, I am now ready to go find the perfect wife.  I probably learned more about myself from the process of answering the questions they asked, since it caused me to think about things from a different perspective than I normally do.

So once you have told it all about yourself and your preferences, eHarmony decides who it thinks would be a good match for you.  It presents a couple new potential "matches" everyday, but those are the only options available to you.  This is as opposed to OKC, where you can browse everywhere, based on characteristics that you think would be suitable for you.  On top of that, because it is trying to get money from you, you can't see anyone's photos unless you are a member.  (But they can see yours if they are.)  Also, you can only communicate at certain times unless you pay, but that is where it gets interesting.  It guides you through your first few communications with someone new, by asking and answering from a selection of multiple choice questions.  Now the part of me that did well on the SAT likes bringing that approach into developing relationships, but part of me knows that you can't totally control the development of a "real" relationship. (Trust me, I have tried.)  But I have to admit, it does lower the risk threshold of initiating communication.  The second step is a series of fill in the blank type questions, followed by open ended questions, before you are given free reign to...well talk.

So eHarmony tightly limits who you can even access on their site, the next step would be to add parental control to a teenage version.  One step further, and we are at the old custom of arranged marriages.  Maybe I can start an online betrothal site, where parents can choose their children's future spouse.  It could be the next big thing; all I need is to come up with a catchy .com name.