Pressure

I spent the first half of the week talking with a variety of different people from across the country, looking for projects to work on, and places to do them.  A number of other people with me were doing the same thing, looking for places to work.  The difference is that they are looking for ways to support themselves and their families, while I am simply looking for something interesting and meaningful to do with my time.  The contrasting levels of pressure we are under makes a world of difference on our outlook and approach.

I spent the second half of the week in Hollywood for the release of the movie I have been working on for the last four years.  While I want it to do well, the entire future of my career does not hang in the balance of the weekend's financial numbers.  My bosses on the other hand haven't been able to sleep for the last few days because they are so anxious about the process.  It is not just that they are afraid it will fail, but even on the positive side, if it really takes off, that will give them some exciting opportunities.

I also had the opportunity to describe our film-making process to a group of 200 industry people at a pre-screening.  While that is the largest group I have ever presented to, I was surprisingly relaxed and calm during the event.  The most challenging part for me was mingling with that crowd of strangers for an hour before the screening.  After the screening and presentation, I had no trouble interacting with the same crowd, because the context of who I was had been established.

It is interesting how the degree that you value or care about something has an exponential effect on the pressure and stress level experienced from that.  I personally feel much more stress associated with relationships than I do from anything connected with my job or career.  This is both because I have already been successful in my career, and because there is little else that I still want in that regard.  Those issues are related, but independent, because success doesn't necessarily preclude one from wanting more, but it does increase one's confidence.

Confidence plays a large role in how we respond to pressure.  So even if I still did have major goals I was pursuing in my career, I would not be nearly as stressed about reaching them, based on my track record so far.  But I still feel stressed from the pressure of other goals I would like to accomplish, because I am not as confident in my abilities in other aspects of life.