Fearing Death as Opposed to Valuing Life

As I have mentioned before, I am someone who is very conscious of the fact that I have a terminal "condition" for which there is no cure.  When I was younger, that fact was the source of a significant amount of fear, of my own inevitable death.  It is natural to fear the unknown, and death is a huge unknown, but fear can not be allowed to control us.

Learning the basic Biblical principles about life, death, and salvation in grade school helped alleviate that to a degree, but it was still something keeping me up at night by the time I got to high school.  It wasn't until I came to recognize that there were things I would be willing to risk my life to protect, that I was able to deal with that fear.  Assuming that was true, I should logically be more afraid of failing to protect what I cared about, but I am confident that I would always give that my best effort, which is all that could ever be done, so that scenario was much less of an unknown, and therefore less feared.  You can't necessarily reason your way out of most psychological issues, but in this case I would say that it allowed me to "put things in perspective."

So what was it that I discovered that I would be willing to risk my life to protect?  The Columbine High School shootings had quite an impact on me for a couple reasons, and caused me to ponder the question of: "How would I react in a situation like that?"  The honest assessment at the time was: probably run and hide.  This leads to the question of: "How would I feel afterwards about doing that?"  That line of thought, combined with a few other emotional awakenings, brought me around to resolving not to run from the challenges of life, especially at the expense of those around me.  This tempers that fear of death, and harnesses what remains to help one value life instead, which is a much healthier reaction to that reality.

Now there is a big difference between risking your life and sacrificing your life.  I have come to terms with the first, but the second is still something I wonder about.  I have no doubt that in certain cases I would not hesitate, but would I sacrifice my life to demonstrate my faith, like we see happening in the New Testament, and even today in places around the world?  I can't honestly be confident that I would in cases like that.  It is still something I am working out.

On the other hand, the aspect I have less trouble with is in defending those around me, especially members of the opposite gender.  I would contend that there is an innate protective instinct that males have, specifically targeted towards females, valuing their lives over our own.  Now of course there is a the brotherhood aspect between males, of looking out for the other guys on your team and watching each other's backs, but that is one step lower on the rungs, when a choice has to be made between them.  This is one reason there continues to be resistance to giving women combat roles in the military.  Putting females into risky or dangerous situations runs counter to the way men are wired.  When faced with choosing between a man and a woman to save, it will always be the ladies first, at whatever the cost, while the guys are expected to be able to take care of themselves.  While this isn't necessarily the most logical approach, values can and should take precedent over pure reasoning.  I am sure this is not some cultural thing that we learn, it is a deep seated God given instinct that all men have.  The only exceptions to be found will be extremely selfish guys, where that instinct has been buried by self-serving impulses, overvaluing their own lives.  The Titanic provides a number of illustrations of varying manifestations of this instinct and the impact it has on our accepted culture and values.

In nature there is a much more universal tendency among other animals, for mothers to be protective of their offspring.  That of course holds true with humans as well, and is the counter instinct to the one I am describing.  Women react in similar ways when their children are threatened, as men react when women are threatened.  And men are usually more protective of their female children.  For example consider the stereotypical intimidating talk between a father and his daughter's boyfriend.  There is no equivalent in reverse; guys are expected to be able to take care of themselves.

Men are expected to risk or sacrifice their lives to protect their wives, but there is no expectation of the reverse.  Women are expected to support their husbands in certain ways, but not necessarily to protect them.  There is nothing wrong with that, it is just one of the natural differences between the roles men and women play in the world.

So while I don't necessarily look forward to my death, whenever that may occur, fear of that moment is no longer the primary topic on my mind.  Instead that consciousness of mortality helps me more fully value the time I do have ahead of me in this life, regardless of how much I may have left.