A Change of Pace

Now that I have returned from my trip, and reached a stopping point in my story, it is time to turn to a few less narrative topics.  I have a few weeks at "home" to recover from my trip, and take care of things before I head out anywhere else.  I am catching up on all of my reading, and trying to reconnect with all of my friends.

This is basically the first time in my life that I have been not been living under one of three basic structures: school, work, or camp.  It is strange not having a default activity to fall back on.  While I get things accomplished each day, it feel like I am being much less productive than usual.

My initial reflection on that observation is that the Bible casts idleness in a negative light, specifically in Proverb and Thessalonians.  So that encourages me to try to do more with my time.  On the other hand, the Bible talks very positively about rest, so what is difference exactly?  At first it seemed like a fine line between the two, a matter of perspective.  But upon further examination, idleness implies living off of the support of others, and there is not much danger of that happening anytime soon.  And since I am naturally inclined towards overworking, it probably won't hurt to overcompensate towards rest for a couple of weeks.  I have been sleeping a lot more, which is probably good, regardless of its effect on my visible short-term productivity.

Over the last two days, I have also read the journal that my Mom kept for the last ten years.  Now I don't know what the "protocol" is for that type of thing, but I would not have read it without my Aunt's recommendation.  Before she left, she told me to wait a few months, and then read it, so I would better understand certain things.  My parent's relationship with each other was the primary topic that I was hoping it would shed light onto, since I am not going to be able to ask my Mom about her perspective on it.

Ironically, after finishing it, I am not sure which parts my Aunt had in mind me learning from, because I don't think she had much idea what I did and didn't already know.  While I was familiar with all of the general issues that it addressed, there was much more specific detail on some.  It was also beneficial to see a story that I watched play out in real time over the last three years, all at once so that I can better identify the patterns within it, and the changes that took place over time.  A lot of things that I had loosely observed were laid out in a very straightforward way.  I am someone who values the truth at whatever cost, but I might have gotten bit of an overdose.  If we start with the assumption that people have a predisposition towards the same weaknesses as their parents, it's not a very encouraging picture.  But I am also very conscious of the fact that I am already free of many of the limitations that held back my parents, so there is hope.